Top Chef New Orleans Recap Episode 14: "Po' Boy Smack Down."

The Aftermath.

It's ok. I can't believe they killed her off in the beginning either.

Shirley is BAWLING. I’m talking type of bawling you get from watching the opening sequence of the movie “Up.” However, these must be tears of relief. Because the person who should be crying is Stephanie. But she’s too busy  losing to Louis in Last Chance Kitchen. Her tears will have to come later. 

The next morning over sponsored coffee products (I can assure you most Top Chefs do not run on Dunkin if they don’t have to) Carlos tells everyone he hopes today it’ll be a Mexican Challenge. What does it matter to him? Carlos is going to cook Mexican food regardless of the challenge. 

We’re down to 5 now. So it’s very likely this might be the last challenge before the finale. 

Does that look like someone you wanna disappoint?

This week’s Quickfire guest judge is Roy Choi, the King of L.A street food. He propelled the food truck movement in Los Angeles by elevating his brand of Korean-Mexican cuisine and made it available to the masses. Roy talks about how in L.A he used the tortilla as a canvass and filled it with his passion and the tastes he grew up with.

Carlos’ eyes just lit up. Tortillas? Could it be? A taco challenge?

Um. NO.

This is still New Orleans buddy. So let’s let Padma make the awkward segue and compare L.A. tacos to New Orleans po’boys.

Parkway Deli. Po' Boy Mecca.

It’s about time we bust out this iconic sandwich! A proper New Orleans po’boy is unlike any sub, grinder, hoagie (whatever you call it) you’ve ever had before. Crunchy baguette filled with crispy shrimps and oysters dressed in lettuce, tomato and a slather of that tangy remoulade. Or one with meltingly tender roast beef drenched in rich gravy filled with debris (those little bits and pieces of beef) that makes the whole thing a delicious mess in your hands. A five napkiner, if you will.

It’s really one of the best thing to eat.

However, I am Jack’s angry taste buds.

The other Po' Boy Holy land.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Roy Choi and I love tacos. And sure, L.A is known for its tacos just like Philly is known for its cheesesteaks, but how about we show some local love and get the owner of Domilise's or Parkway Deli or one of the many po’boy shops to come down and judge this thing? Or at least a shoutout? Or at the very least mention Leidenheimer Baking Company and how important the proper bread is to a po’boy? I digress.

In this Quickfire, the chefs are to create a unique and personalized po’boy. At least Chef Coi brings the passion to this contest because, just like his tacos, he wants the chefs to put some of their history and story into the po’boy.

20 minutes. Winner gets immunity. 

Wait what? Immunity is still up for grabs? I guess any challenge involving such a revered item is worth it.

What a proper po' boy looks like.

Guess what Carlos is making? “Mexican” po’boys. He’s going to make some carne asada and use a baguette instead of tortillas. It’s like a broken record at this point. Gumbo challenge? Mexican gumbo. Étouffée challenge? Mexican étouffée! I guess with this one at least he’s supposed to incorporate where he’s coming from. 

Brian’s going the antithesis of a po’boy. Dude is using lobster. Guess this is his way of reminding  us how he was raised with a silver spoon. He’s also going to use gochujang (Korean bean paste) in hopes to relate with fellow Korean, Chef Choi.

Nina’s going Caribbean and Shirley’s doing Asian. What’s new.

20 minutes flies by. Here come Roy and Padma.

Let’s see if they properly honored this glorious sandwich.

Does that look right to you?

Nick - Fried Shrimp Po’ Boy with Mayo, Sriracha, Fennel & Pancetta.

Shirley - Sautéed Catfish Po’ Boy with Mirin, Ginger, Garlic Glaze & Cabbage Slaw.

Nina - Fried Mahi Po’ Boy with Mojo Aioli & Pickled Onions.

Brian - Asian Inspired Lobster Po’ Boy, Gochujang Aioli & Yuzu with Pickled Napa Cabbage.

Carlos - Al Pastor Po’ Boy with Guajillo Chilies, Pineapple, Onions & Roasted Garlic.

Ok, Carlos literally just said, “I went really classic with al pastor.” Um. Classic what?

Not even close.

Chef Coi was really quiet throughout the tasting. He would carefully peel back the bread and examine the filling. Little questions like “Is the shrimp seasoned at all?” “Did you put any crunch?” was it. The chefs can’t really gauge how they performed. 

Well, that’s because Roy hated it. All of it.

“I’m gonna start talking on the real man, like you guys kinda missed the boat on this.” #WOMP

He said that this was a cook’s dream and they “F’ed it up,” And if this was his kitchen this would be the time where they’d take a tour to the walk-in (refrigerator) for some “straight talkin’.”

Does “straight talkin” means getting your ass kicked? Because Roy looks like he’s about kick some ass right about now. Dude is pissed! 

The al pastor was lacking in flavor. Nick’s po’ boy was too salty and the mayo wasn’t covering the entire bread. Brian’s gochujang didn’t come through. He failed to represent Korean flavors. Shirley’s flavor was good. Chef Choi liked the pops of black vinegar, but he says if that’s a representation of Chinese cuisine, it was “pedestrian.” And Nina’s po’ boys just didn’t make him dance. 

Damn. Dude is rough. This was like an episode of “Scared Straight.”

Chef Choi is right. All season long these guys have been thinking too much as chefs, as contestants, not as cooks who cook for the heart. Sure we’ve seen a little love and soul that comes through here and there, but as a whole these guys are paying more attention on how to win rather than making the best dish. 

We're all hurting over this season.

In a city that’s all about passion for life, culture, and food, the lack thereof is reflected in their dishes and in the season as a whole.

No matter what there’s still has to be a winner right? Chef Choi begrudgingly gave the win and the immunity to Shirley. I guess “pedestrian” is the least offensive of them all. 

Judging from the sidebar reactions, these cheftestants don’t really respect Chef Choi. Carlos went as far as saying that Choi didn’t know what he was talking about. I’m sure Carlos has never heard of Chef Choi before.

Nope. Wrong guy.

Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure everyone’s heard of this week’s guest judge. Actor, director, and now “chef,” Jon Favreau!

Chef Choi recently worked with Jon Favreau on his new movie, “Chef.” The movie is about a chef who loses his restaurant job and starts up a food truck business in order to find his creative self. Aha! That’s why Roy was so harsh earlier. He was setting the stage for this challenge!

Jon Favreau comes in looking like someone who’s been around food quite a bit (ahem) and starts explaining this week’s challenge.

He say this week the chefs must cook using only what they find in the dumpsters of French Quarters. #sike.

That's the guy.

Ah Jon. Always the funny guy. He said the chefs looked nervous and he just wanted to loosen them up. I think Shirley almost had a heart attack.

Ok. For the real challenge, create a dish that represents a turning point in their career.

For this challenge they will be cooking at Cafe Reconcile. This location is apropos because Cafe Reconcile is place where they teach troubled city youths crucial life skills so they can go on to have a productive life. For many at-risk kids of New Orleans, Cafe Reconcile is a turning point in their lives. 

Real Deal Holyfield.

Tomorrow, they’ll have two and a half hours to cook. Tonight, they get to hang out with Jon, Emeril, and Gail and go feast on some food truck food!

Ok. So we’re under the impression that the gang is going to visit a bunch of local food trucks, sample their respective foods, and gather some inspiration right? 

Nope. Seems like the show hired a catering truck from Drago’s, parked it at a Breaux Mart parking lot and created a “food truck” atmosphere! Ugh. Is nothing authentic anymore!

Regardless. Drago’s is local and make these AH-Mazing chargrilled oysters. These giant Louisiana oysters are loaded with herb butter and topped with a blend of Parmesan and Romano cheese. It’s insanely good. 

Yada yada yada...

So Jon’s chatting up the gang. He says that from a lot of the chefs he’s spoken to have had moments where they find their voice, and he wonders if any of the cheftestants have also had that moment.

Brian jumps right in and tells us about how he was burnt out, how he started getting angry in the kitchen, how he started drinking, how he got a DUI…yada yada yada.

You know how at a party where someone’s just babbling on about their live but you really couldn’t care less and yet you’re just staring and nodding? Yeah, that’s the look on everybody’s face. 

Shirley says she was hoping that being on the show would give her that “moment” and she thinks it did. She found it during the Vietnam shrimp challenge, where she was inspired by Emeril and realized the importance of cooking from the heart. 

I have zero interest in what you're saying.

Ah “Uncle Emeril,” as she calls him, inspires us all. It’s all about the love.

Apparently there’s no love for Roy Choi. Carlos drew a picture of him, put it up on a dart board, and actually threw darts at it. Guess he doesn’t plan on opening a restaurant in L.A anytime soon.

Next day. Time for some Whole Foods.

Nina is focusing on the idea that was taught to her by Scott Conant of Scarpetta, “Sometimes simple is the best way,” as well as to cook using the best ingredients and highlight flavors for what they are. She’s going to make (surprise!) pasta.

"Hey Trent. I'm on Top Chef and it's boring me to death."

Nick is going to have a carrot festival on his plate. Dude is preparing carrot 5 ways. He says it’s something he used to do at his old restaurant’s tasting menu, to prepare one ingredient several different ways. 

Oh you remember how his old restaurant got taken over by new management and they kept everybody BUT him? Hm…I wonder why.

Carlos is excited that he finally gets to do his kind of food. I guess making al pastor and putting inside a baguette versus a tortilla was really out of his comfort zone. He’s telling his life story to the butcher behind the counter who I’m sure is as emotionally invested in Carlos as I am. #no

Shopping over. Time to head to Cafe Reconcile.

"Promote your movie baby promote!"

Emotions are running high. Nick all but threatened Carlos when Carlos moved Nick’s pots. “You move my pot again, we’re gonna have a problem.” Yeah. No love lost between those two.

Shirley’s going to make a fish with some crispy skin and serve it with a crustacean broth. No mention of Asian or Chinese flavorings, so we’ll see.

Remember that pasta dish Nina’s making? Well the kitchens too hot so her dough isn’t coming out correctly. So instead of the simple agnolotti dal plin (delicately filled dumplings) she’s just going to make fettuccine instead. 

Next season I'm gonna compete.

Here comes Tom and Jon Favreau for the cook and chat! Aw, they even gave Jon his own chef’s coat. Before you disparage, to research for his movie, Jon actually took some lessons from Chef Wolfgang Puck and actually worked the line during a $190-seven-course tasting menu! Not to mention during this process Favreau spent weeks working in Chef Coi’s kitchen to see what it is all about. So he definitely earned his chef’s coat.

Walking around the kitchen, Jon pretty much follows Tom’s lead. You could tell he is fascinated by all of this, just trying to take everything in. That’s gotta be one of the fun part of directing/acting in a movie. You get to be not just a tourist but a temporary citizen in what field you’re researching. Then, at the end of it all you get to go back to your movie star life. Ha.

Potential controversy time. Nick had planned to crisp up some quinoa for his relatively soft dish. That plan didn’t work because he mistakenly thought the oven was at 275 when it’s really at 500. So the quinoa got burnt. But the controversy is, he thinks someone sabotaged him. Sigh. If there’s one (of the many) thing you learn on Top Chef is the judges don’t give a rat’s ass about that kind of stuff! Either way, quinoa’s burnt. He can’t use it. We’ll see if bites him.

Wow wow wait. What’s Brian making? Boneless skinless chicken breast?! What, does he still have an alcohol problem? Yes, I’m asking if he’s drunk because he’s making boneless skinless chicken!

Time’s almost up. This week’s rotation includes Jon Favreau, Gail Simmons, and Emeril! Emeril’s here because his foundation is involved with Cafe Reconcile. In fact, he’s actually hired some of the students that graduated from here. Papa Bear looks after his city.

Here we go.

Fish and tofu. Who'd thunk.

Shirley - Seared Snapper with Crustacean Broth, Silken Tofu & Napa Cabbage.

Homerun. It’s always a good indicator when one of the judges drool on themselves over your dish. Basically everyone loved it, including the kids who works there.

Nina - Fettuccine with Charred Calamari, Pine Nut Gremolata & Crab Meat.

Girl knows her pasta. Tom enthusiastically praises how well the pasta’s cooked. He said it’s seasoned right, cooked right, and at this stage of the game this is how dishes should taste. 

Brian - Chicken Anticucho with Twice Cooked Potatoes & Feta Walnut Pesto.

Zzzzz......

Ok. Chicken anticucho is basically a Peruvian chicken skewers. Usually made with beef hearts but nowadays anything could be considered an anticucho. Brian say this is the culmination of his past three years. This is what turned him from a burnt out drunk to the chef he is today.

Right away Padma asks, “So chicken breast??”  Um…yeah.

Overall consensus? Boring. It might be flavorful but it’s boring. Oh and Emeril’s potato was raw. You know you’re in trouble when Tom starts making fun of your food. (On the twice cooked potatoes) Tom says, “Maybe he should have cooked it three times. (chuckle)” 

Carlos - Braised Pork Belly with Sweet Potato Puree & Chipotle Tamarind Glaze.

Farmers Market Foodie.

Can’t really mess up pork belly right? Of course not. How many people ever got sent home for pork belly? To his credit Carlos has put out a good dish. Emeril loved the segment of citrus on top, giving it some sweetness and acidity. He says you can taste every single element of the dish, and Tom agreed. 

During the interlude Jon tells us how he learned the real difference between a foodie’s idea of chefs versus the real life person. Jon thought chefs would go to farmer’s market with chefs’ coats on, smelling apples. But as Gail so eloquently puts it, they’d be called “douchebags.” Chefs don’t go to farmers market, not the ones you go to anyways.

Nick - Yellowfin Tuna, Several Preparations of Carrot & Fennel Pollen Dust.

“So this was inspired by the comedy or Carrot Top?” Jon asks. Yeah. Always great when the judges take your inspiration seriously.

Carrots and...tuna?

We’ve got some problems here. Though technically proficient, the fish was under seasoned. Also Tom didn’t appreciate the few slices of raw carrots on top. Not to mention Nick committed one of the cardinal sins by telling the judges that his crispy quinoa didn’t make it. Now they all think that the dish could have used some texture. 

One of the kids says, “I mean it’s not nasty or nothing…it’s just too gooey.”

That’s the kind of reactions you want from people eating your food. Hey, at least it’s not nasty!

Service is over. Even though it was a stressful day, all the chefs enjoyed their interaction with the kids. Cafe Reconcile has such a great mission, to train kids these skills in and out of the kitchen so they can be off the streets and feel good about themselves. Check them out here.

Since there’s only five of them left there’s no need for the Flat Screen Of Doom. Judges would like to see all of them.

Nina got kudos for switching plans and still coming through with perfectly cooked pasta. 

Shirley got kudos for her amazing broth and crispy skinned fish.

Carlos got kudos for putting his heart on the line and coming through by executing his signature dish.

Nick and Brian? Well instead of kudos they got some questions to answer.

Nick made a delicious carrot sauce and carrot top flavored oil, but why a piece of bland fish that has no connection with the carrot? Also, sabotage or not (it was not) why is there no texture to the dish? 

The biggest question of the day goes to Brian. Why in everything that is delicious in this world would he use skinless, boneless chicken? Not to mention he served Emeril raw potatoes! 

The top three were neck to neck. But when you reduce manage to serve fish with tofu and make that memorable and super delicious? You deserve to win. Shirley takes it (despite the immunity) with that crustacean broth. Wait, she doesn’t get a walk-on role on the movie? C’mon!

Brian's fate awaits.

After last week, when Nick served pocket lint and chocolate chicken but got to stay because he had immunity and refused to give it up, you’d think he’d be on double secret probation and would be sent home for sneezing the wrong way. Well so did Nick. He says he would shocked if Brian got sent home instead.

Guess Nick is in shock. Because when you present something like dry skinless boneless chicken and raw potatoes to judges and you DON’T have immunity? You’ll be going home. Just be glad this isn’t Roy Choi’s show, where something like that would end up with you and him having a “talk” in the walk in freezer.

You're so not money and you don't even know it.

Yup, Brian gets the cut. Frankly he overstayed his welcome. Dude should have been sent home a long time ago. Let’s just hope this isn’t the negative turning point of his life! One day at a time buddy. One day at a time.

Next week, the finale before the finale.

Home stretch people!! We can all get through this together people! See you next week!

[Written by Mykl Wu]

Top Chef New Orleans Recap Episode 12: "Mississippi Mudbugs."

Shellshocked.

No mas!!!

That’s what happens when you have to cook for 500 college students under duress. The 7 remaining chefs huddled around the table, drinking wine to calm them. 

Nina had a tough time. This odds-on favorite was in the bottom alongside Justin, who had a tougher time and got sent home for bland shrimp salad. You know who didn’t have a tough time? Carrie. Because of immunity, she boiled some broccoli and called it a day.

We’re about 3 weeks away from the finale and we’re running out of cannon fodder. 

Speaking of fodder, next morning we get a little alone time with Stephanie on the phone with her boyfriend. Note to Top Chef producers. Invest in a better way to mic phone conversations. Because I can’t understand a GD word what her boyfriend is saying. The only thing I got out of that was Stephanie hired someone she had a crush on and manipulated the work schedule so she can spend time with him. I don’t know about you but I consider that sexual harassment. Yes, I’m such a romantic.

I can't hear a word you're saying.

Speaking of romance, there’s none left between Nick and Carlos. Nick is still pissed about “oven-gate,” where Carlos lied to the judges that Nick stole his oven. Tension is just little high.

Quickfire time.

We welcome back a familiar face. New Orleans restaurant icon and patron saint of beautiful hairdos everywhere - John Besh! At this point, John Besh really needs no other introductions. If you need it, here’s a refresher. 

This week’s Quickfire involves one of the most popular ingredients in “Cajun” cooking. Depends on where you’re from, you might call them crayfish, crawfish, or as this week’s title suggests, mudbugs. I just call them delicious. One of the most popular things to do in Louisiana is to throw a crawfish boil. Just throw a bunch of these suckers in a giant pot along with some Andouille sausage, cobs of corn, onions, potatoes and boil. Boom - instant party. Oh, don’t forget the beer. 

I know Kung Fu. (Not goona help)

However, since this is a cooking competition we need to step it up a bit. So the chefs will create that other quintessential crawfish dish, the classic étouffée. 

Étouffée literally means, “to smother.” So a classic étouffée is pretty much a rustic stew, where the flavor is slowly drawn out and “smothers” the plate. Typically, étouffée is served over rice. However, unlike what Padma suggests, “smothering” doesn’t mean the gravy has to envelope rice or any other carbs. It just needs to be “cooked down.” #fact

The chefs will have 45 minutes, winner gets immunity.

I’m actually surprised that immunity is still up for grabs. Especially with Carrie and her immunity broccoli debacle from the last challenge. But oh well, here we go.

Carlos on EVERY challenge.

Wait. What is this? Stephanie is allergic to shellfish? And not just any shellfish. She’s allergic to shellfish that turns red when cooked. She’s got her gloves on and her epi pen ready to go. Only problem is she won’t be able to taste her own food, so her buddy Nick will be her taster. Yeah. Good luck with that.

Wait. Now what? Carlos has NEVER heard of étouffée before? 

Once again I’m baffled. Seriously, if you knew you’re headed to New Orleans for a food competition, wouldn’t you at least Google the words, “New Orleans, food?” Guess not. He’s going to make a shrimp stew that he used to make in Acapulco and just sub out the shrimp with crawfish. I swear, Carlos should have held out for Top Chef Acapulco, because he sure ain't prepared for Top Chef New Orleans. 

Seriously. First result off Google.

Nina’s making pasta (again), Shirley is doing something Asiany (again), and Brian is doing something Korean (again) so there’s that. Good to see some range on these potential “top” chefs. #Sarcasm. 

Time’s up. Let’s see how these guys interpret étouffée.

NOT an étouffée

Nina - Italian Style Étouffée with Pici Pasta & Tomato Crawfish Broth.

Carrie - Spanish Style Étouffée with Crawfish Broth, Chickpeas & Almonds.

Nick - Crawfish with Shrimp Mousse Stuffed in Napa Cabbage with Brandy & Corn.

Shirley - Singapore Chili Crab Étouffée with Crawfish Stock, Cucumber & Egg.

Brian - Étouffée with Gochujang, Corn, Peppers, Crab Meat, Crawfish, Andouille & Pasta.

NOT an étouffée

Carlos - Soup with Crawfish, Guajillos, Garlic, Corn, Potatoes & Crispy Chorizo.

Stephanie - Crawfish Bisque with Parisian Gnocchi & Poached Crawfish.

Those who end up on the bottom pretty much decided to make something other than an étouffée. Carlos and Stephanie basically just made soup. Nick went off the reservation and made some sorta corn/shrimp/crawfish cabbage roll. And Carrie just didn’t execute. There was too much wine in her dish and she didn’t cook off the alcohol. You’d think “drunken étouffée” would be a good thing. Guess not.

Étouffée (Yes. I made it.)

On the flip side, we’ve got Brian’s flavorful Gochuijan sauce, Nina’s impressive hand rolled pasta, and Shirley’s velvety crawfish broth. All of them managed to “cook down” and exact the flavors, which is the most important part of an étouffée.

The winner and immunity goes to Shirley. Who’s been on a roll lately winning either immunity or elimination challenges for the past few weeks. She’s officially just as dangerous as Nina.

Elimination Challenge.

The Gulf Coast is known for its bountiful seafood. To celebrate, Louisiana Seafood is throwing a party at Mardi Gras World and they want the good chefs from Top Chef to provide the food. The challenge is to create a dish highlighting two separate seafood items in one dish. Padma then tells them that they will have three hours to cook on location for ONE THOUSAND GUESTS!

Talk about shellshocked. These guys barely survived serving 500 college kids with cafeteria food. Now they’re supposed to double that amount and kick it up with high-end seafood? 

Sike. 

Guess what. Padma was only kidding. I guess she wanted to see if any of these chefs would just flat out commit seppuku? #Evil

So they only have to cook for 200 people. See, now that doesn’t sound too bad right? 

To make up for that evil prank (I guess), John Besh invites the chefs over to his house for dinner, where he will cook them a feast of simple Louisiana country food. 

Wow. Can you even imagine hanging out with John Besh at his home, just chilling over some Sazeracs and watch him cook for you? Talk about a cook’s dream. Damn.

Ok. So the John Besh Estate is exactly what you would expect it to be, a 5,000 square-foot Creole cottage-style house on a 10-acre Bayou Liberty estate in Slidell, LA. A fountain out front, a pool in the back, a boardwalk through the bayou surrounded by live oak trees. The kitchen was renovated in 2011, and it’s big enough to both accommodate family gatherings and to shoot a television cooking show. 

Hey Girl. You hungry?

The gang shows up and sure enough, Chef Besh passes around what looks like Sazeracs to everyone and starts cooking. I gotta say, the food he’s busting out looks tastier and more comforting than anything I’ve seen so far this season. As a chef, to have lasted this far and earned a seat at that table is winning in itself. Anything else is gravy.

Food aside, Chef Besh offers some gems of advice. He says that some of the best chefs perform worst in competitions like this because they always feel the need to do too much. As one gets older and more mature they’ll learn restraint, confidence, and how to cook from the heart. However, like he adds later, “easier said than done.”

Um. Can John Besh just go ahead and adopt me already? 

Next day. Time to cook.

The gang arrives at Mardi Gras World and waiting for them is a truck full of seafood. There’s everything from tuna and amberjack to oysters and shrimps. Talk about a bounty of seafood. 

Um...somebody call the health department.

Almost everyone’s doing crudo. I guess in a way it’s the easiest preparation. What better way to highlight seafood than minimal manipulation? All you need is a sharp knife, the correct accompaniment of flavors and some acid to brighten the whole dish up and viola - crudo! 

There’s the rub. You see, Carlos isn’t exactly / doesn’t have the sharpest knife around. So he’s totally tearing the fish apart. Since he’s been dinged for this mistake once before he goes into desperate mode. Mister No-Short-Term-Memory here asks his buddy Nick if he can borrow Nick’s sushi knife. Um… remember “oven-gate?” Because Nick does.

When Nick says no, this is Carlos’ reaction: “Nicolas, stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about other people.”

You. Are. Kidding. Me.

One day you’re going to call him a thief in front of the judges and next day you wanna borrow his knife? And when he says no (because he’s actually using it) you’re going to accuse him of being selfish? 

Moving on.

Carrie is going the complete opposite direction. She’s going to make flounder fritters with an oyster emulsion. That is taking a big risk. Instead of showcasing the fish itself, she’s turning the fish into mush and then frying it. Guess she wants to showcase some technique. That would be peachy if this was a techniques challenge. It is not.

What is this?! In a “fool me once, shame on you” moment, Nick caves and decides to let Carlos use his sushi knife. Nick being the affable man that he is, forgot that this is a competition and you can’t afford to be too affable in this type of situation. Just ask Ed Masterson. #ObscureWyattEarpReference

I’ll give credit where credit is due. Brian’s has been stepping up big time lately. After finishing in the top 3 consistently in the past few challenges, Brian the only one who’s actually cooking his fish. He’s doing a grilled swordfish with a shrimp sauce. I suspect he’ll win points for thinking outside the box alone.

Best eyebrows since Clark Gable. (Google it, kids.)

Time for service. 

John Besh stays as the guest judge of the week, and we have Hugh Acheson as the rotating judge of the week. It’s Padma and the boys.

Before tasting, the judges brought up a great point about these challenges. Too often, these chefs immediately think about how to make a dish for 200 people. They should think about how to make the “winning dish” and then figure out how to serve that 200 times. Keep that in mind when you’re cooking for a bunch of people. Always focus on making the best dish vs. making something easy for a big party. #Protip - and that’s from Tom Colicchio and John Besh! 

With that said, let’s see who subscribed to that philosophy.

Brian - Grilled Swordfish, Shrimp & Sweet Onion Puree with Fennel Daikon Relish.

Home run. Both Tom and John like the fact that he cooked the fish. The fish was perfectly done and the heat at the end gave it a kick. Looking good.

"Somebody spit in my food." (H/T Dave Grohl)

Nick - Oyster Leek Soup, Champagne Emulsion, Green Apple Yogurt & Cured Amberjack.

Nick advertised this as “Oyster Three Ways.” You know, it’s never a good idea to do things “three ways” (in food anyways) and judges will always ding you for trying that. Also, his dish needed more acid. 

Side note here. How many times have you heard that on Top Chef? It’s like every dish’s downfall! Note to self: Always give your dish (especially seafood) a hit of lemon or better yet, yuzu to finish. #Protip.

Oh and avoid saying, "this needs a hit of acid" when you’re dining out with friends. It comes across REALLY pretentious and makes you one of “those” people. #MoarProtip 

That's a flounder. Talk about the opposite of highlighting.

Carrie - Flounder Croquettes with Oyster Emulsion & Pickled Cucumbers.

Here we go. Right off the bat Tom asks Carrie why she decided to take a beautiful whole fish and turn it into a croquette. Even though John thought it tasted fine, Tom still can’t understand the rationale behind this dish. Outlook murky for Carrie. #womp

Shirley - Tuna & Amberjack Ceviche with Aged Soy Sauce, Lime Dressing & Toasted Pecans.

So she made Asian tuna tartare. Pecans for the crunch. #yawn #immunity

Nina - Marinated Wahoo with Salsa Verde, Tonnato Sauce & Pickled Vegetables.

Justo would be very upset.

As usual, Nina brings it with her attention to detail and perfect execution. Pairing Tonnato sauce (tuna/olive oil/capers blitzed) with another fish is a brilliant idea. Both Tom and John liked it.

Carlos - Amberjack Ceviche with Rustic Peach and Shrimp Relish.

Fish was cut way too thin. Spicy peach relish over powered the fish. Hugh thought it was under seasoned and also - needed acid.

Stephanie - Fried Louisiana Oysters with Tuna & Pickled Beech Mushrooms.

Every dish could use a little more...

“The oyster’s crisp. That’s half the battle,” says Tom. There you go. To consistently serve crispy fried oysters a-la-minute for 200 people is a feat. Plus, she’s got the right amount of acid. Heh.

Seafood festival is over! Seems like most everyone did a decent job. With zero room for error, it’ll be interesting to see who is in the bottom.

Oh oh. Here we go. What did Shakespeare say? “Neither a borrower nor a lender be?” Yeah. Remember that knife Carlos borrowed? Nick told Carlos that it was a special knife - a wedding gift - and to take good care of it. Well after butchering all that fish Carlos just left it sitting there, caked with dried bits of fish. Needless to say Nick wasn’t too happy about that. See: “fool you twice,” shame on you Nick.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

During the interlude, Stephanie and Nina have an epiphany: Padma is beautiful. Stephanie says she’s been wearing and perfecting her ponytail every day for 28 years and it does not look anything like Padma’s. Um yeah. Genetics is a bitch.

Flat Screen of Doom.

As expected, the general consensus was too much ceviche. Most everyone played it too safe. With that said both Nina and Shirley’s raw items were at least flavorful and well executed. Other top dishes were Stephanie’s perfectly fried oyster and Brian’s swordfish.

Forget Top Chef. I just wanna look like her.

The winner this week? Stephanie’s crispy oyster! When done correctly, nothing beats a perfectly fried oyster. Crunchy on the outside and creamy brininess on the inside. Too bad there was no sponsor for this week’s challenge. No sponsor = no money. That makeover will have to wait. 

Not so successful were Nick’s overly complicated and yet flat “oysters three ways,” Carlos’ too thin crudo, and Carrie’s fish ball. 

Nick’s dish came across too soft and one dimensioned. Despite the various techniques displayed, the dish had no texture and it lacked acid to bright the whole thing up.

That girl you'd want to avoid at parties.

Carlos’ peach and shrimp relish was good, but the fish was cut way too thin and the flavor got lost. In a challenge to highlight the seafood, Carlos’ was more of a peach dish rather than a fish dish.

However, Carrie committed the real offense. She took a beautiful piece of fish and turned it into mush. Tom says it could have been anything in that croquette. She did exactly what you didn’t want to do in this challenge. Instead of highlighting the seafood, she basically masked it. And with that crucial error, she gets the boot. 

Shhh. I'll be back for an All Star Appearance.

Yup. I’m just as shocked as she is. This was her first time on the bottom and it will be her last. Just goes to show at this stage of the game there’s really no room for error. Funnily enough, Carrie said herself there’s “no more room to hide.” Despite a strong beginning, I guess she’s just been hiding all this time. Frankly I think she was partly sent home for last week boiled broccoli debacle. I mean, c’mon.

So long Carrie! Everyone loved you. I’m sure you’ll get called back for one of these All Star editions!!

Couple more weeks 'till the finale! Who do you think will make it?

Thanks for reading and we’ll see you next week!

{Written by Mykl Wu}

Top Chef New Orleans Recap Episode 11: "Back to School."

8 Chefs left.

Top Chefs: Michael Voltaggio. Richard Blais. Stephanie Cmar.

Travis got the boot last week and the only person who cares is Nina. Frankly Captain "I only like Asians (food)" should have gone home when he made an Italian dish during the Vietnam challenge. 

Looking around the room, it’s going to be tough to predict who’s going home next. Each one is a good tough chef in their own right, well except for Brian and Stephanie. Can you imagine either one of them leading a band of cooks on the line into war? Yeah, me neither. 

Speaking of leading a band, this week’s Quickfire guest judge is non other than Amhir “Questlove” Thompson!

Questlove is the drummer and one of the founding members of The Roots. They’ve won multiple Grammys and are the house band for “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.”

Me and the occasional Justin Timberlake is the
only reason to watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Before you ask, “Wait. Is this a Lea Michelle-type of celebrity nonsense mucking up yet another episode?” Nope. Ever the true Renaissance man, Questlove appreciates all things creative in life. Not only is he musically gifted, he has also published a book, produced Broadway plays, and got into a fried chicken battle with my daily inspiration and personal hero, David Chang.

In April of 2012 Questlove challenged David Chang to a fried chicken showdown on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.” The long-term ripple effect resulted in Questlove opening his own fried chicken joint, Hybrid. Unfortunately, he also found out the hard way how tough the restaurant biz is. Hybrid was short-lived and closed in November of 2013. Still, the man knows a thing or two about food. You know the famous sushi restaurant Sukiyabashi Jiro, from the movie “Jiro Dreams of Sushi?” Yeah dude’s been there three times in one calendar year. Now that’s a gourmand!

Spoiler alert. Chang wins.

Since fried chicken got Questlove into this, this week’s “Q” challenge is - drumsticks!

The chefs must choose between an array of different types of drumsticks ranging from duck, quail, turkey, squab, and of course chicken. 30 minutes. Winner gets immunity.

This is one of those “first come first serve” type a deal, so time for a good ole fashioned scrum. Everyone charges the table to grab their preferred protein. With 30 minutes, you kinda don’t want to end up with something like turkey, which takes forever to cook. 

During the melee Shirley kinda got knocked to the floor, and Nick being the nice guy that he is, decides to help her up instead of grabbing the duck legs. No good deed goes unpunished. Shirley ends up taking the duck and Nick ends up with quail. He is not happy about that. 

To improvise, Nick is using a frog legs recipe and making 'lollipops' with the little quail legs. Note to self: don’t ever cook quail legs because those things look impossible to prep. Dude busts out scissors to scrape what little meat there is to one side so it looks like a lollipop.

Cooking is a contact sport.

Surprise! Nina’s doing jerk flavoring. As much as she’s favored to win this thing, I wish she would do more than presenting “island” flavors. This is Top Chef, not Top Island Chef. Am I being too tough on her? #SorryNotSorry

Brian is making chicken soup. Look at that, some actual creativity from the man. He’s going to add some crispy crackling on top to give the dish some texture. I’m actually surprised and kinda impressed. Hey. I can give credit were credit’s due.

Here we go. Let’s see what they came up with.

Carrie - Squab Legs Marinated in Thyme, Juniper & Cocoa Powder with Fig Mostrada.

Questlove, “I’m not mad at this at all.”

Duck a l'orange.

See, Q’s another one of those “so cool he’s got his own language” peeps. We’re talking “hip-tang” territory here people! For you square kids out there, what Mr. Questlove is saying is that he liked this dish.

Brian - Chicken Soup, Chicken Skin Crackling with Parsley & Thai Basil.

Shirley - Crispy Duck Leg with Szechuan Chili Salt & Mint.

Nina - Jerked Guinea Hen Charred with Juniper Berries & Scotch Bonnet Peppers.

Stephanie - Fried & Grilled Turkey Leg with Sriracha & Sour Cream Buttermilk Dressing.

Can you spot the mistake?

Nick - Twice Fried Quail Legs with Sesame Sauce Rolled in Gomaiso.

The funny thing is, I kept typing quail EGGS because well, that’s what I usually think of when I say quail. Lo and behold, the graphics department was thinking the same thing. The chyron reads, “Twice Fried Quail Eggs.”

Justin - Chicken Drumettes with Smoked Aioli, Herb Salad & Sorghum Vinaigrette.

Carlos - Fried Goose Leg with Cranberries & Apple Salad.

What did Questlove think of their efforts?

On the bottom - Carlos, Justin, and Nick. Carlos’ had some shards of bone situation, which automatically landed him there. Nick’s was too salty, and Justin could have been more creative. Ironically during cooking Justin was trying to be creative and elevate simple drumettes. Guess smoked aioli is nothing more than burnt mayo.

Questlove's hair is THIS big!

Amongst the favorites are Nina, Carrie, and Brian’s. Questlove liked the spiciness of Nina’s jerked hen, the creativity of Brian’s soup, and Carrie’s perfectly cooked squab. However, if Questlove’s going to drop a cool phrase reacting to your dish? You’re probably going to win.

Carrie’s squabbies win the Quickfire. She gets the much coveted immunity. Much coveted because this week’s Elimination challenge is a doozy. 

This week, the chefs head to Louisiana State University to serve lunch for 500 freshmen during orientation week - cafeteria style.

Yup. That is a helluva challenge. I don’t care how talented a chef you are at your own restaurant doing a 100+ covers a night, cooking for 500 people in this setting is a different kind of beast. Everything from prepping, cooking, and even equipment will be different. So Carrie is super stoked to have immunity.

Cook for 500 People??

A challenge like this deserves a big prize. So the winner gets a new car! Series sponsor Toyota is kicking in a Rav 4 for the winner of this one. 

Tonight, the chefs get to relive their college days and stay overnight in the dorms. Hey, why wasn’t this episode titled “Dorm Daze?” 

Off to LSU we go!

During the car ride Brian tells us about his drunken college days and how he gruesomely cut open his arm during a party. Shirley doesn’t care, Nina doesn’t care, I found it mildly amusing because I had a similar experience in college but yeah, nobody cares. And LSU being about an hour away from New Orleans, poor peeps had to suffer through the car ride.

The gang finally arrives at LSU and is greeted by two of the peppiest freshmen guides ever. These two are straight out of central casting. They’re blonde, bubbly, and full of energy. They’re like Leslie Knope on Barbie crack.

They introduced the gang to LSU’s mascot, Mike the Tiger. LSU is the only school in the US that hosts a live tiger. You know what would have been a great twist on the elimination challenge? Loser gets in the cage with Mike. I’d bet we’d get more creative dishes!

Delta Delta Delta, can I help ya help ya help ya?

Aww. Justin never went to college so he doesn’t understand the “college experience.” Let me put it to you this way Justin. You work hard at the things you love (electives), half ass it on the things you don’t (requirements), and party hard afterwards. Rinse. Repeat. Sound familiar? 

Ok time to get down to business.

First thing is to figure out who’s doing what. There are eight different stations and everyone has gotta work together and decide who’s on what station.

This is no time to be meek. At this point of the competition you gotta step up and do your thing. The margin for error is nil. Everyone’s calling dibs on the ingredients and equipment they need. It’s funny how even at this level it’s the ole 3rd grade playground  “I called it” system that settles things.

I know it's a different context. Work with me here people!

However, what if there’s a playground bully in the midst? What if someone just plain out demand a certain thing regardless of who “called it” first?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Carlos the passive-aggressive bully.

 Early on Shirley called dibs for the “plancha,” or the big flat top grill. It’s basically what you see at diners where they cook everything from burgers to cheesesteaks. She wants to do something like a beef fried rice, which is smart because you can quickly and continuously make big batches to serve 500 people. 

But here comes Carlos who basically demands the plancha to grill his fish. He says there’s no other way he can properly prepare the fish so he deserves to use it. Mind you, he picked the fish, so it wasn’t like he didn’t have a choice. For some reason Shirley relents and gives in! For the record I would have told Carlos to go kick a can. Go find another protein to cook you SOB. 

Bad Carlos!

In a way, Carlos “Jedi mind tricked” Shirley. He did that arguing by remaining silent technique. Try it next time you need to persuade someone to do something. For example, “Hey can I have that last beer?” When the other person says no, just keep standing here and maintain eye contact like you’re still asking the question. But don’t say anything, just stare at them. More often enough the other person will be so uncomfortable they’ll eventually say yes just to end awkwardness of the silence. You're welcome. #ProTip.

Back to the kitchen. Shirley now ends up at the pizza oven station, which nobody wanted for some reason. You’re cooking for college kids people! Just bust out some flat bread pizza deal and you’ll coast through! Well, Shirley decides to use the pizza oven to make roast beef and pair it charred tomato relish. 

But I need it...waaaaah.

Justin doesn’t believe in cooking down to people. Instead of something hearty and fun, he decides to go with a high-end dish of gulf shrimp with chilled asparagus and garlic puree. Hm. I guess Justin was right all along. He really doesn’t understand the college experience. 

Grilled cheese and tomato soup. Now we’re talking. Stephanie’s got the right idea but she’s making pimento cheese by using shredded mozzarella and cottage cheese. Um, that’s disgusting. Plus, how the hell is cottage cheese going to melt? 

I like Carrie. I really do. And I know she’s only doing this because she’s got immunity. But in an “all time low” moment in Top Chef, Carrie is making (wait for it…) 

COLD BROCCOLI with HERBED YOGURT.

Apropos on so many levels this episode.

Yeah. That’s all I have to say about that. 

Time for service. Here comes a sea of impressionable young pallets. Luckily, their opinions don’t really matter. What, did you expect Bravo production team to sort through 500 opinion cards? 

Brian’s shrimp cakes looks like the most pedestrian of dishes. Basically a breaded and fried patty of shrimp and misc fillings held together by mayo. But you know what? The college kids love them. The line for his station is so long you’d think he’s serving beer with them cakes.

Can I use you oven now? Waaaah.

On the flipside, there’s Carrie’s station. #Tumbleweeds

Remember Carlos and his “Jedi mind trick?” Yeah, now he’s trying that schtick again only this time he ran into a buzz saw in the form of Nick. Carlos had planned to start his fish on the grill then finish the cooking in the oven. However, the oven belongs to Nick and Nick ain’t budging. 

“Well, I need the oven to warm my plates,” Nick says, coldly. 

Ha! Dude could care less about your fish because he wants warm plates. Now that’s how you tell someone to go pound sand. Now that’s someone who can lead his fellow cooks into battle. Kudos.

Here comes the judges. Joining Padma and Tom this week is Emeril and the ever vivacious Gail Simmons. Did you know Gail is actually Canadian and graduated from McGill University in Montreal? #Facts

The judges spilt up to sample the foods. Boys to one side, girls the other.

Here we go.

Shirley - Roast Beef with Potato Puree & Fire Roasted Tomato Relish.

Dude didn't bother to trip the stems. #FacePalm

Nina - Fried Chicken with Sweet Corn Puree & Pickled Onions.

Brian - Shrimp Cake & Spinach with Chipotle Aioli.

Everybody likes the shrimp cake. Gail like that there were actual big chunks of shrimps so it’s not like some mushy mystery “seafood” cake. Meanwhile, Shirley’s roast beef is also a crowd pleaser. One student actually said it was the best thing he’s ever put in his mouth. C’mon producers, we couldn’t get Padma to say that? 

Nick - Roasted Pork, Parmesan Grits & Bacon Brown Sugar Gravy.

Carrie - Broccoli Salad with Herbed Yogurt Sauce and Pita Bread.

Literally the saddest dish in the history of Top Chef.

Justin - Marinated Gulf Shrimp, Cauliflower, Asparagus & Garlic Puree.

Oh oh. Justin’s in trouble. As expected, college student could care less for high-end food. Not as expected, Gail found the dish bland and not flavorful. Could be trouble. And everybody pretty much thought Carrie phoned it in this week.

Stephanie - Spicy Tomato Soup with Pimento Cheese Sandwich.

Carlos - Seared Tilapia with Chile Ancho & Mexican Coleslaw.

Turncoat moment of the week. While Tom and Emeril heckled Carlos for having to wait too long for their food, Carlos had the nerve to tell them that Nick stole HIS oven! Nina overhears this and is appalled. Meanwhile the Tom and Emeril could care less. You know why? Because there are no excuses in the kitchen! 

This was a very close second. 

All the whiny nonsense aside, judges actually liked the fish. Emeril thought it had a good amount of heat from the chili, and Tom thought it was done well despite the oven business. And while Stephanie’s soup was good, the mistake came when she served the sandwich partially IN the soup, which resulted in soggy grilled cheese. Not good.

Overall, another bland showing up all the chefs. I understand this was more of a time management / volume challenge, but nothing these guys are putting out are inspiring. Watching Top Chef used to make me want to jump into the kitchen and create similar themed challenges for myself. Now it makes me want to drink. #Bored

Speaking of drinking, that’s what the chefs are doing in the stew room. There are a lot of empty bottle of wine on the table. It’s been a tough day for everyone. But it’s about to get tougher for Carlos. 

Nick brings up the whole Oven-Gate situation and Carlos starts scrambling for a retort. He has none. Meanwhile the room now turns on Carlos. See, there’s a code in the kitchen. You don’t lie, steal, or backstab a fellow cook. Carlos broke that code, and as much as he tried to weasel out of it with a haphazard apology, no one is buying it. 

Luckily for him, the Flat Screen of Doom flickers on and all the attention now turns toward the judges’ feedback.

“Considering the amount of portions the chefs have to make, I think some of them did a pretty good job,” says Tom. Talk about a lukewarm reaction to the challenge. Well, let’s see who the “some of them” are.

Brian’s croquettes, Shirley’s roast beef, and Carlos’ fish are the judges’ favorites. However, when the most exciting thing they can come during the discussion is the spinach salad on top of Brian’s shrimp cake, you know there’s a problem with everyone's performance overall. 

On the bottom, we’ve got Stephanie’s messy soup and sandwich, Justin’s bland shrimp, and (surprise!) Nina’s fried chicken. 

Pretty much sums it up.

Her chicken wasn’t properly fried and she ran out of corn puree during service. Judges don’t like in consistency. On top of that she plated her semi-crispy chicken with corn mush and pickled veggies, making the whole thing soggy. A rare misstep for her. But don’t worry, there’s no way they’re sending her home for this.

Slam on the evening was (deservedly) on Carrie. Tom said if it wasn’t for immunity she’s probably go home. It is wasn’t for immunity she definitely wouldn’t have put up that poor excuse of a dish.

When it’s all said and done, Shirley wins for being able to cook everything perfectly with a damn pizza oven. She goes home with a new Toyota Rav 4. Yup. At this point of the season the winning dish is basically steak and potatoes. 

But who gets the boot? It comes down to Stephanie’s soggy grilled cheese and Justin’s bland shrimp. Frankly my money was on Stephanie. She's just been on the bottom so many times and there’s no way anyone could mistake her for a Top anything let alone chef. 

I'm so ashamed to be a Top Chef fan that I've taken on a disguise

But alas, you just can’t serve a bland dish to Tom Colicchio. Boiled shrimp with asparagus and liquefied garlic just isn’t going to cut it. The last chef representing New Orleans goes home. All the accolades, the James Beard nominations, in the end Justin goes home for glorified shrimp salad. Sigh.

In a way this result personifies this season. There was so much anticipation and so much expectation from all things New Orleans and yet so far it’s been underwhelming and at times, bland. 

Cya Justin! No worries. La Petite Grocery is still on my list next time I’m in New Orleans!

Next week - the crack between Nick and Carlos becomes a canyon. Expect drama.

[Written by Mykl Wu]