Fried Chicken Corsage? Fried Chicken Pizza? Make it Stop!

Deep-fried bacon-wrapped lard balls with a caramel center. Nasty thought, right? Hit pause and read on.

What’s the deal with these gluttonous junk food trends lately? I know very few people who don’t love them some culinary creativity, but at some point someone really should draw a line. Grilled mac & cheese, doughnut burgers … And now: Fried chicken is getting a reboot and taking center stage as 2014’s junk food super star. 

(*** Warning: The following contains graphic content. Viewer discretion is advised. ***)

Dominos’ Fried Chicken-crusted Pizza

Step aside, Chicken Parm – you’ve been out-matched! This boneless chicken product features a “delicious” combo of various toppings, fatty sauces and cheeses layered over 12 nugget-sized bites of fried chicken. They say “lightly breaded, white chicken meat”, but does that matter after the meat is enveloped in cheese and blubbery sauces? The four unique flavors offered include Crispy Bacon & Tomato, Spicy Jalapeno-Pineapple, Classic Hot Buffalo and Sweet BBQ Bacon. Let’s just call this grub what it is: Hangover food “super charged”.

Ramen-Crusted-Chicken-Wings

Apparently Ramen hasn’t just situated itself into burgers of the modern age. Once a notoriously respected Japanese dish, that required at least 3 days and a lot of love to cultivate, Ramen has not just taken to infusing itself into mainstream junk food; Ramen has taken a hold of it and evolved gluttony into an entirely new art form. Introducing “Ramen-Fried Chicken”.  ‘Nuff said.

Meet the KFC Fried Chicken Corsage

Because, on the most important night of her youth, what every teen girl dreams of is an oily piece of food tied to her wrist, that gently brushes against her high-priced gown throughout the evening, and leaves greased-stained memories to last her a fortnight. Yeah… A fortnight. Because that’s how long it’s going to take her to realize that the joke is over and that dress that she was so proud to wear is now sporting that fast food stank no dry cleaner can get out. 

Last, but most definitely not least, introducing the…

Fried Chicken Slider

From Kobe burger to pork belly to, well, fried chicken. It seems as though slider trends are taking a turn of the carotid variety. It wasn’t enough to replace the sumptuously magical meat of Kobe with the ultra-saturated palatable pig product we call “pork belly”. No, instead some gluttonous kamikaze, out to make their mark, decided to come up with a deep-fried chicken sammy, slathered in cheese and sauce. After a long, wild night of partying, this cardiac-attack-on-a-plate-that-could-kill-a-marathon-man-in-a-single-bite may seem like a rationally wise choice of chow. However, we recommend chewing down 2 aspirin before sinking your teeth into a meal of Fried Chicken Sliders.

How would you categorize these fried-chicken-junk-food wonders? What’s next?

Deep-fried bacon-wrapped lard balls with a caramel center. That doesn’t sound so ridiculous now, does it?

Top 10 Food Trends for 2014

What's in store for foodies in 2014? We break down our best Top 10 Food Trend guesses below:

Non-Wheat Noodles

With the gluten-free trend in full swing in 2013, 2014 will be the year that restaurants start adding more non-wheat pastas to their menus, from quinoa to buckwheat noodles. Ruggles Green in Texas is already on this trend, with a menu filled with quinoa pasta.

Ice Cream Sandwiches

Say RIP to cupcakes, donuts and Cronuts, Ice Cream Sandwiches are the way to go in 2014. They’re portable treats that are popping up in food trucks and on dessert menus in a customizable way. Pick your favorite ice cream and cookie and make the ultimate combo, like at Baked Bear in San Diego.

Foraged Foods

Foraged foods and wild edibles like seaweed, truffles, rose hips and blackberries are becoming more and more hip in forward-thinking kitchens, lately. There are lots of 'edible' nature walks popping up too, just be careful if you do it on your own, sometimes nature can be sneaky. 

Fermentation

Although fermentation has been around centuries, chefs are now starting to play around with good bacteria and “rotting” food the correct way to add a modern twist. They’re making their own soy and miso, and many are incorporating kimchi into their dishes. The Good Fork in Brooklyn is adding a new spin to kimchi, serving up pork belly & kimchi egg rolls, as well as steak and eggs with a kimchi twist.

Sustainable Seafood 

Sure, sustainable seafood has been talked about before, but in 2014, we expect it to really come to the forefront. Consumers are getting more and more conscious about where their food comes from, and seafood is no different. The Atlanta Journal Constitution has some insight on the start of this trend in the Atlanta area. 

Tea as an ingredient

Tea isn’t just for your morning mug, it’s now an ingredient in many dishes and cocktails too. And we expect it to grow even more in 2014. Take Samovar tea lounge in San Francisco, for example. Their entire menu is infused with tea!

Heirloom Vegetables

Heirloom vegetables, which many gardeners agree are seeds originating before 1951, are plants which have not been hybridized or become so mass-gardened that they've lost their character. Certain parsnips, butter beans, and artichokes are making a comeback: easy to grow, beautiful, and true to their origins!

Nose-to-Tail Cooking 

Instead of just using a portion of an animal or a vegetable, in 2014, chefs will strive to include as many parts of the animal or vegetable as possible. That means you’re likely to see beef hearts, oxtails, and innards appearing on more menus, as well as entire plants from roots to seeds.

Housemade Hot Sauces

It's about time someone puts up their own hot sauce in restaurants instead or relying on Tabasco to season everything (though I do love Tabasco)! After Sriracha took over the food airwaves this past year, it's no wonder people are starting to create their own and get in on the latest fad.  Chili heads unite!

Egg, It's What's for Dinner

Eggs are going to be EVERYWHERE in 2014, especially for dinner. Scotch eggs, eggs and pork belly hash (yes, please), baked, and taken to the next level. No longer a topper of burgers or a side with your waffles, eggs will rule the roost in 2014.

[by Caitlin Heikkila & Sophia Proler]