Taken off Cruz Control

According to sources, Chef Juan-Carlos Cruz is all about creating "job opportunities" for the homeless!

On May 13th, Cruz was arrested for paying three homeless men to take the life of his wife, Jennifer Campbell. Fortunately, she wasn't harmed, but Cruz is now pleading “no contest” to the charges against him and facing up to 9 years in the state pen. Since he submitted his guilty plea before the trial began, Cruz’s motives and details of this grisly murder plot have yet to be made public. I'm sure we're all wondering what this jackass trying to hide...

Rumor is that Cruz paid the men $1000 in cut hundreds to take out his wife. After a “throat slitting” plot was interrupted (by loitering charges) the homeless men informed authorities of the murder conspiracy before the grisly plan was executed. Cruz and the three men were then secretly observed by the police as he walked them through the ins and outs of breaking into his house.

The chef once starred in two shows on the Food Network and was known for helping people "lose weight without losing the taste". His new "show" about trying to "lose a wife without losing freedom" doesn’t seem to be working out for him.

One of the homeless men, known as “Little Dave”, told media that Cruz needed "dirty deeds done dirt cheap." This shady situation is even more surprising because only four years ago he was giving his wife public praise in his “Calorie Countdown cookbook” acknowledging her by writing, “First and foremost, I thank my beautiful wife for her belief in me and her encouragement.”

Juan-Carlos Cruz and Jennifer Campbell were high school sweethearts, but it’s rumored she was having trouble getting pregnant. 20 years of trying to conceive had left them both tired and depressed. Could fertility problems have been his rational for a murder plot? What other secrets could have driven this clean cut Catholic to such psychotic extremes?



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Starbucks and the Booze Crusade

The Olive Way Starbucks in Seattle just made my “top 10 places to visit” list. This store is testing out an “after 4pm mood menu” that’s sporting craft beers, wines, and local cheeses. They keep locals amped up with espresso by morn and then transform into a suave, relaxing café by night. Starbucks thrives because of the “home away from home” atmosphere they provide. I expect that by extending this new menu their customer traffic will multiply by 10 (at least).

The United States has put such a negative stigma on alcohol consumption that just doesn’t exist in other countries. If Starbucks adds wine and beer to their roster of fabulous drinks across their nation-wide establishments and portrays the new additions as a classy social affair, maybe it’ll start a new trend that allows café-goers to unwind a bit, without creating a booze-slogging atmosphere. After all, how many partyers feel the magnetic pull of a café?

And think of the impact it’ll have on the singles scene! We all know it’s a bit passé to meet a first date at a bar, but mingling at coffee shops is practically second nature. The new ambiance that Starbucks is aiming to create is said to be more reflective of community spirit that will gain back that local feel that has been long lost from this coffee giant.The question is: how steep will the price of a Grandé amber ale run? Starbucks is well known for dipping deep into customer pockets. The novelty may be fun for a while, but the cost of double tall lattes, fine cheese and Merlot will jack up the tab pretty fast. That said, I would be quite content to live in a world where great coffee and great beers can co-exist in the same location.




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Toss the Burger NOW!

Why are McDonald’s Happy Meals causing a major ruckus??

Alright, so we’re all well aware that decomposition of McDonald’s burgers has been put to the test and the mold-show is a no-go. But to put this nastiness on display?? WTF!?!

An artist from the Big Apple decided to take her talent and put it on display by putting a bun, meat patty, and fries on her shelf and photographing their (lack of) mold over a 6-month period. The set up and concept actually disgusts me more than the concept of consuming a McDonald’s burger. My Guess? She must live alone... I wouldn’t tolerate any burger experiment in my apartment, let alone one that involved the use of my cupboard over a 6-month period.

That said (and to add to this nasty tale), curiosity has been sparked: More and more peeps are starting their own fast food collections… And in my opinion, all of this is WAY more disturbing than chemicals used to keep these buggers… errr… I mean “burgers” alive.

Somebody throw me a Twinkie!!



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Jamie Oliver, Stop Whining!

In a recent interview with the Guardian, our sympathy falls to the interviewer, Decca Aitkenhead, whose approach to Jamie Oliver’s incessant whining seems almost saintly. He insists that no one understands him and seems to have diarrhea of the mouth, when he states “God, why do I give interviews to the Guardian? They always try to dissect you..." I’m surprised that Decca remained sympathetic to him and his cause.

And when it comes to his Food Revolution, I actually do think we’re getting it. Yes, there are Americans that love their fast food and are going to fight for their right to raise fat children. We label these people as “Stupid Americans”. You have to be a complete idiot to not realize that meals made up of chips & candy is the primary cause of America’s health problems.

Jamie, this isn’t news to most of us – major campaigns opposing the junk food epidemic have been ringing out loud and clear for decades. We do understand your mission and would love to see a change in the average child’s lunch box. No one wants government control over what schools feed their students, but the people who feed our children need to have brain cells when selecting meals. Instead of campaigning for healthier food, why not campaign for smarter school employees and school lunch vendors?

Then there’s the cost factor. It’s a known fact that there’s a higher price tag associated with fresh and healthy food. And with the unemployment rate being what it is, it’s no surprise that Middle America is taking a more economical approach to feeding their children. I’d get into the taste-factor, but why point out the obvious (kids will always appreciate a Happy Meal to over-cooked/under-seasoned food).

That said, based on the rising popularity of farmers markets, we are actually seeing some traction in the daily diets of the average American. And look at the celebrities that are endorsing your Food Revolution: Heidi Klum, Paul McCartney, Kim Kardashian, Ellen Degeneres, & even Justin Bieber, who is still just a kid himself. Yes, there are some people who will resist change, but that isn’t reason enough to think that everyone is against you. People are trying to change and all your effort is appreciated by those with brain cells. Maybe you’re just spread too thin to take notice. Take a breath, play with your kids, and while you’re doing that, we’ll eat some vegetables in your honor.





More on Chef Jamie Oliver:

• new! Jamie Oliver’s New Cheese
• Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay Should Be Shark Bait
• Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution Shunned by LA School District – Can You Blame Them?
• Jamie Oliver’s 30-Minute Meals? 90-Minute Meals would be more Accurate
• Jamie Oliver, Stop Whining!

Spaghetti Tacos Galore

Spaghetti Tacos are blowing up the internet, everyone is talking about how their kids are obsessed. The New York Times did an in-depth look at the little lovers of these pop-culture creations. Modifications and new recipes are all over the place. It’s a dinner from the Nickelodeon show ICarly that the older brother Spencer came up with. Simply put some spaghetti in a crunchy taco.

What? I love how it’s taken up such popularity. I’ve never eaten one, but if I was 10 again I wouldn’t say no. Maybe we adults can start a trend cooking up lasagna in a tortilla shell… maybe. When it comes to kids you have to be able to have fun with your food. You may love gourmet food, but your kids will not have anything to do with it. If you can allow them to be creative with their food, they'll be open to trying new things. Picky children need be a thing of the past. This craze really shows how big of an impact television can have on kids and maybe even American dining as we know it. [Fade to Black]


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Frankenfish

Just in time for Halloween: Genetically modified salmon are becoming the topic of conversation. We’re now questioning safety, morality, and taste. Salmon is my favorite fish. It brings back childhood memories of sitting on the river and fishing with my dad. And when I found out it was healthy I couldn’t have been happier. Lately, the world’s supply of salmon has been dwindling, threatening fish houses and sushi restaurants alike.

Aqua Bounty is the company that has been developing genetically modified Salmon that grow twice as fast. And it’s said that this mix-and-match of genetics wouldn’t be labeled differently in stores. The only way I could go for that is if they tasted the same – exactly the same. Which, let’s be real, isn’t be possible. A wild salmon that was born and raised in the rugged Alaskan terrain is going to have more of a kick than any test-tube salmon baby. People are also concerned about potential allergens and the possibility of these “Frankenfish” getting out into the wild and wreaking terror on the wild salmon population.

It’s one thing to mess with our crops, but putting the meat we eat in the hands of scientists is a little scary. I think as long as this “new salmon” is separated from the real salmon I’ll accept it (but I still won’t eat it). How much worse can it be from the hormone filled and potentially diseased meat that already tries to creep onto our plates?

What’s next? An engineered pig that will produce less harmful phosphorus waste? NooOo - not my bacon!



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