Smoking Alcohol: The New Way to Get Alcohol Poisoning

Congratulations, boys and girls! Just when we thought drinking stupidity had hit its peak, someone decided to invent the “Alcohol inhaling machine”. Given, this invention isn’t news – the alcohol vaporizing machine was made available to the public in 2004 – however it seems to have finally found it’s window of opportunity in today’s market: With high school and college students alike!

Now kids, if there was any concern that you haven’t been able to stay at pace with the biggest partiers of your class, you can rest assured that you now have access to great step-by-step tutorials on Youtube to show you how real assholes get wasted.   

And if you’re really lucky, maybe you can be the kid everyone talks about at their 10 year class reunion. Only they won’t be talking about how cool you are. They’ll be talking about how stupid you were and how sad it is that you’re too dead to be there with them.

Just sayin’.

Vodka Tampons defeats Vodka Gummy Bears as the Latest Stupid Drinking Trend

I'd like a vodka straight-up, with a tampon-twist, please!

What do vodka tampons, vodka eye-balling, and vodka gummy bears have in common? They’re the three most retarded drinking trends of this decade. Call me a fundamentalist, but I like to drink the old-fashioned way: From a glass to my mouth and down my throat. Can ya dig it? 

Stephen Colbert had a segment on his show about the uprising trend of “vodka tampons”. You read it right: teenagers are now dunking tampons into vodka and inserting said tampon into places they really shouldn't for a faster form of “buzz”! I’m sorry, but WTF?! Is there anyone else out there that doesn’t find this style of drinking incredibly disturbing and offensive? I’ve heard the claim that a recession increases rates of alcoholism, but this is ridiculous.

I’m all for a jello-shot now and then. And a vodka-laced gummy or two may not be so bad. But it’s clear that the term “alcohol abuse” has taken on a more dangerous meaning. We know that this type of alcohol consumption has a much higher death rate than drinking booze the old fashioned way. What no one seems to be offering is a viable solution. Should we lower the drinking age in hopes that college kids choose to drink at a bar instead of shoving tampons up their asses and pouring liquor into their eyes? Maybe "substance ed" should be added to the National high school curriculum? Watch this news piece by CBS 5 and tell me what you think.