Top Chef New Orleans Recap Episode 9:"Restaurant Wars!"

Finally! It’s time for Restaurant Wars!

It’s always one of the most anticipated challenges for both viewers and cheftestants. No gimmick, no promotional tie-ins, just straight up cooking and hospitality. 

In Chang We Trust

With that said, it’s time to bring in the big gun. In walks none other than mister no muss, no fuss, just make delicious food, bad ass and my personal hero, David Chang! 

For those of you who don’t know David Chang (you’re probably not here reading this then) he is arguably one of the founding fathers of modern day food culture. His first restaurant, Momofuku, was a closet-sized ramen joint in the lower east side of New York City. Now the brand Momofuku is a global empire, with restaurants in Toronto and Sydney. His influence on food culture extends beyond the kitchen. He has won Beard Awards not only for cooking, but for his television show “The Mind of a Chef” and his magazine Lucky Peach. Ok enough gushing about him. 

His advice, “Plan on everything going wrong.”

This team's got ALL the wins.

They will divide into teams of five. Time to draw knives.

Right away the teams seem lopsided. The Green Team consists of Carlos, Sara, Justin, Nina, and Shirley. That’s a helluva lot of wins and talent on one team. Meanwhile, The Purple Team’s got Nick, Carrie, Brian, Travis, and Stephanie. Not exactly cream of the crop here. Even Nick’s worried. He compared his team to the Bad News Bears. Hey, didn’t the Bad News Bears win? #Foreshadowing?

They will have only 24 hours to build their pop-up from the ground up. That means, fixtures, menus, even the kitchen itself. The twist this season? Each team must name an executive chef and a general manager (front of the house). It’s interesting because in past seasons the judges and teams kinda figure that out as they went along. This time the position will be named, and whoever takes the title will have a bullseye on their back if the team goes down. 

"How the hell are we going to beat them?"

Wait. What is this? Ugh. I spoke too soon. Apparently there will be a VIP table of Chase Sapphire Card members who will also get to eat at both restaurants. In this day and age where a restaurant’s emphasis is “everyone’s a VIP,” it’s totally hypocritical for the producers to pull something like this. Shameful.

The Green team decides on the concept of “Modern American.” I’m rolling my eyes because that the most vague concept title you can come up with nowadays. However, in a way that is smart because you can pretty much throw anything on the menu and still be considered “Modern American.” Sheesh.

The Purple team quickly decides on a seafood theme. They’re gonna call their joint, “Fin.” Travis jumps in and volunteers to be the general manager. He felt the need to stereotype himself by stating that “gays belong in the front of the house!” I have no idea why he’s so creepy.

Over on the Green team, the four people who can cook decides that Sara should be the general manager. Um, that’s right Sara. They don’t want you anywhere NEAR the kitchen. #Womp

Sara, I don't trust you or your hair.

Instead of discussing their dishes, the Green team decides to focus on the “feel” of the restaurant. They’re talking about what kind of plates, types table cloth, wrought-iron accents and flowers. Carlos is confused. Hell, I’m confused. This isn’t HGTV people!  Justin steps up as the executive chef. He’s been preparing for this since he was 16 years old. Um dude’s 32 years old. Top Chef hasn’t been around that long! 

The gang travels to check out The Foundry, their space for the pop-up. The Foundry’s basically a giant warehouse equipped for weddings, receptions, parties, and yes, pop-up dinners. 

The Purple team still needs an executive chef. Anyone?  

Executive chef? 

Not all at once guys! Heh. So this is a competition to find the TOP chef and peeps in this group is shying away from even being the executive chef of Restaurant Wars. Might as well go home now kids! 

The only person who’s qualified is probably Nick. Good thing he decides to step up. Travis has the nerve to ask if Nick’s done this before. Jesus, how can you be on Top Chef if you’ve never been an executive chef before?? 

After checking out the venue, the chefs head over to their event planning place where they can pick out chairs, plates, etc. Yeah, this is where you have to make some very important decisions. But you know what else is important? Your menu! While discussing what serving dishes they need, the Green team realizes that they have no idea who’s making what. But Justin doesn’t want to talk about that right now. 

Dude’s got a short fuse.

Here's...your executive chef!

We saw this last week when he got angry at other chefs for using the fire he built. Nina thought he was going to “choke somebody out.” Yeah, as the season goes on we’re finding out a little more of each chef’s personality. I guess all work no play makes Justin a dull boy. Yes, you're welcome.

As per past seasons, half of the teams head off to Whole Foods for the dainty stuff while the other half heads to the restaurant depot for the cheap stuff. 

Brian tells us he’s making scallop crudo and serving it with purple corn gel. Ooooh boys and girls, he’s going to use agar agar for the gel! He feels this dish is very “new and different so it’ll definitely stand out to the judges.” Somewhere, Wylie Dufresne is laughing his head off. Wylie’s got Eggs Benedicts older than you, son!

Time to assemble their kitchen and start cooking.

2006 Top Chef called. They want their phone back.

It’s funny. Carlos just asked Justin what he was going to make. This is not a good sign. Usually the chefs plan out a cohesive menu. This has a “every man for himself” kinda feel to it. Still, on paper the Green team is super strong. Nina’s making a pork tenderloin, Shirley poaching fish, Carlos is making snapper, and Sara ended up with dessert. She’s making a butter cake with a five spice mascarpone cheese. If they just make the food they’ve been making all season long, this should be a cake walk. 

However, Justin and Sara is not getting along. Miss Bossy pants over there is playing armchair chef as usual. That combined with Justin’s short fuse makes...let’s just say an uncomfortable working environment. 

Body language experts...go.

Meanwhile, Richard Blais wanna be (Brian) over there picked up xantham gum instead of agar agar. His “gel” is going to be less of a gel and more of a “paste.” Think the difference between jello and toothpaste. Yeah, it’s gonna taste like (pick your expletive).

Day 1 is over. The chefs retreat back to the house for more strategizing for tomorrow’s “war.” At night, Justin explains to Sara exactly how he wants the ordering tickets written, “It’s going to be about communication tomorrow. And executing.” Good luck buddy.

Next day. They have 4 hours to set up the entire restaurant, cook the food, and train the servers. That’s a LOT to get done in that short amount of time. Both Sara and Travis are setting up the tables and talking to their servers. Right away you can tell that Sara’s “sunny” disposition is contagious. Her servers are looking around, not paying attention, and generally lost. While Travis seems to have been assigned a different team of peeps. They’re attentive, taking notes, and having a great time. 

"PAIN"

Back in the kitchen, Justin is about to lose it. After spending all that time talking about plates, dude doesn’t have the plates he need for his consume. The rest of the team’s just kinda looking away and keeping to themselves. Not a good sign.

Here comes the guests. Time for war. Any predictions Mister T?

Egregiousness of the day. Restaurant and Hospitality God Danny Meyers is joining the Chase Sapphire card member’s VIP table. Of all people Danny Meyers knows that there are no such thing as VIPs because his philosophy is to treat everybody like a VIP. I’m sure he’s there under protest. Note to self: Get a Chase Sapphire Card for a chance to dine with Danny freaking Meyers!

Our Chase Sapphire Ad has been more fun than the show!

The Green team’s restaurant is named “Found.” There were no explanations as to why it’s named that. I suspect they didn’t really care what the name was and just took it from The Foundry. They couldn't even bother to copy the entire name. See, they’re taking this “team” thing very seriously.

Here comes the judges. This week we’ve got the core group of Tom, Padma, Gail, and guest Judge David Chang. They hit up “Fin” first. Gail seems to like the name. She thought was catchy and quick, “You know you’re getting fish and seafood.”

First dish from the Purple team. 

Brian (Fin)

Scallop Crudo, Corn and Squash Relish with Purple Corn Gel.

Somebody tell Venkman they caught Slimer.

David Chang said this dish is just “too snotty.” That’s all you need to know. Oy.

Meanwhile over at Found, the initial cracks are beginning to show. Danny Meyer’s VIP table didn’t get any menus. They’re just sitting around staring at each other. And when one of the VIPs asked for something in additional to the menu, Sara simply walked away before the diner could finish his request.

Also, remember last night's instructions on how to fill out the ordering ticket? Yeah just throw that out the window. Nothing is done the way they discussed. The judges aren’t even there yet and they’re already in the weeds. Not good.

Back at Fin, things are running smoothly. Tom noticed that food is coming out of the kitchen at a good consistent pace.

Second course from the Purple Team.

When in doubt, add caviar.

Carrie (Fin)

Sautéed Gulf Shrimp, Chickpea Puree, Oregano and Lemon.

Stephanie (Fin)

Linguini with Caviar, Oyster Cream & Fennel.

Though not perfect, judges liked both dishes. Stephanie must have done her homework because her pasta is cooked perfectly al dente, just the way Tom likes it. Plus, caviar and oyster cream couldn’t hurt. 

And Fin’s service is rolling along great. Tom notices that all the diners are happy, and even pointed out Travis’ sneaky chef move of kneeling down to chat with customer at the table so he’s on their level. Things are looking pretty good so far the the underdogs.

Here comes Purple team’s main course.

The little piece of kale makes this a healthy dish.

Nick (Fin)

Roasted Black Drum, King Trumpet Mushrooms, Oxtail, Kale & Hibiscus Reduction.

By far the best dish so far. You know when David Chang says the word “delicious” in his special way, the food is delicious. 

Now for the Purple Team’s Dessert.

Travis (Fin)

Olive Oil Cake with Greek Yogurt, Cherries & Pistachios.

Though not the moistest of cakes, it passed the mustard by presenting a decent cherry gel. Much better gel than Brian’s. Dessert’s always an afterthought in Restaurant Wars anyways. That’s why the front of the house person usually do a dessert.

We want our money back. Wait. This was free. Nevermind

Fin is now finis. Judges moving on to Found.

Ugh. What a terrible name.

On their way in Padma swings by the VIP table and yeah, feedback is not so good. Now they’ve got a biased opinion even before being seated. See how important a restaurant’s reputation is? 

The following is a public service announcement for future Top Chef contestants who are lucky enough to participate in Restaurant Wars. 

Rule number 1 in Restaurant Wars. Don’t ignore the judges’ table. 

I can’t believe that has to spelled out as a rule. Since sitting down, no one has come over to chat up the judges or to take their order. Unbelievable. 

I will NOT be ignored.

Things are going down fast at Found. Before the first course is even out, Tom’s already made the painfully obvious “lost” joke. Sara “verbally” ordered the judges dishes but didn’t give Justin a ticket. Thus, food is not ready and the judges are left to wait.

Rule number 2 in Restaurant Wars. Don’t let the judges wait for food.

Judges are not patient people. You keep them waiting for food and you’re going to face sassy Padma. You don’t want none of that. 

Rule number 3 in Restaurant Wars. Explain the dish to the judges.

No really. My face is just stuck this way.

Judges like to be talked to. And everyone likes to know what they’re eating and how it is made. That’s kind of an important part of the dining experience. 

I’m not sure if Sara has a hearing problem or what. Because just like before when the VIP diner called out to Sara to no avail, Padma tried to call Sara back to explain the dishes. Sara just kept walking, seemingly deaf to Padma’s voice and blind to the S-storm of a showing in Restaurant Wars.

Finally, the food. Here are Green team’s appetizers.

Knife work by Gollum. 

Carlos (Found)

Red Snapper Crudo, Avocado Mousse, Pickled Baby Carrots & Fried Platano.

Justin (Found)

Roasted Parsnip Agnolotti, Mississippi Rabbit & Collard Greens Broth.

Yeah we’ve got problems. Carlos’ snapper is not properly slice. David Chang thought it was almost “hand torn.” And Justin’s rabbit is overcooked. Oh remember that plate he wanted but didn’t have? Yeah it did end up biting him in the you know where.

David Chang propose that him and Tom go back into the kitchen and take over. Now THAT would make this an interesting episode. 

Green team’s second course.

Shirley (Found)

Olive Oil Poached Cobia, Blanched Ong Choy & Salsa Verde.

Finally. Some good news for the Green team. Tom thought Shirley’s fish is assertive without being over the top and has lots of flavor. Will it be too little too late?

Main Course. 

Hmm. Medium rare pork.

Nina (Found)

Pork Tenderloin with Sunchokes & Trumpet Royale Mushrooms.

Once again Sara just dropped the plate and left without explaining the dish. I’m starting to think she’s doing all this on purpose. Not to mention every time she bring out food she’s instructing the other server to “smile!” Then she puts on that incredibly plastic fake smile. 

As always, Nina’s dish is delicious and considered the best dish of this group. She’s so far and away better than the rest of the competition it’s hard to see her not winning this whole thing. Unlike odds on favored Kristen Kish from last season, Nina didn’t step up as chef in this Restaurant Wars. So unless she falters in future team challenges (which will be scarce because of dwindling numbers) this is pretty much her title to lose.

Back in the kitchen, Sara’s 5 spice mascarpone is broken. They can’t serve it. So Sara is going to have to serve her dessert without a major component. 

Sara (Found)

Summer Nectarine Brown Butter Cake with Moscato Nectarine Salsa.

This is not the expression you want from judges.

Guess which dish Sara voluntarily explains in detail with enticing adjectives and all? Yup. Her own dish. Sassy Padma puts the smack down right away and calls Sara out in front of the other judges. And yeah, they noticed the missing mascarpone. Judges tend to notice things like that.

Service is over. It’s pretty obvious what’s going to happen. 

This week it’s not so much the Flat Screen of Doom but the Flat Screen of Tom explaining how hard this challenge is. Because clearly neither team’s food wowed anybody. It’s going to come down to the overall dining experience. 

THIS is what you want from judges. But he's point at Padma.

The Bad News Bears comes away with the upset. Their food, and more importantly their smooth and fast service provided the judges and the diners a much better dining experience. People were just happier at Fin. As much as Travis showed up as the front of the house manager today, the executive chef Nick takes home the title. Doesn’t hurt that he also made the best dish of the evening. He’s definitely gaining momentum.

This result shows one thing. This is why most kitchens are in a brigade system. There is a chef, and there are cooks that serves at the pleasure of the chef. That’s why the word chef is derived from Chief. In a kitchen you need a leader and you need followers. The Purple team, albeit filled with a roster of talented chefs, they were unable to follow one person’s lead. And frankly, Justin the hothead wasn’t a good leader. Which brings us to…

The Last Rule of Restaurant Wars. Don’t piss off Padma.

Sassy Padma called the whole night a “disaster” and immediate asks Sara what happened. And when Sara tried to defend herself, Padma calls her out about the “non-explanation” of her fellow chef’s dishes. Judging by the reactions of Nina and Shirley, they had no idea. 

"Just don't peek. Just don't peek. Eyes up. Eyes up!"

Basically it comes down to Justin or Sara. Who should they kick off for such a pathetic showing at one of the more important challenges of the season? Regardless of who is actually to blame, everyone can tell that Sara’s attitude is just poisonous. Even when she’s speaking to the judges she has this expression on her face like everybody owes her money. 

As much as the editors tried to make the judges' conversation a “debate,” I’ll bet this was one of the quickest decisions ever. 

Tom says he really believe the problems from the front of the house migrated to the kitchen and is the main cause of the evening’s disastrous result. And for that, Sara gets the boot. That and I’m sure they’re all just tired of her sour attitude. 

See. Told you it's stuck that way.

Frankly. I think Sara tanked the service on purpose. I think she tried to sabotage in hopes to get Justin sacked. Yup. I sincerely believe it’s in her to attempt something like that. I believe there’s a reason why she’s no longer working with Wolfgang Puck. Well, at least things wont be awkward if and when Chef Puck shows up as a guest judge! 

So long Sara! For you next gig I’d consider working at the Dinner Detective. It’s located right in downtown Minneapolis, and this way you can cook and put on that fake smile on stage all in the same night! 

Thanks for stopping by! Next week Emeril gets back in the house and looks like we've got a rice and peas challenge!

Written By Mykl Wu.

Top Chef New Orleans Recap Episode 1 “Swamp Things.”

Top Chef is BACK!

Finally. New Orleans. 

A montage of trombones, streetcars, beignets. Expect a LOT of those.

It only took the good people at Bravo 10 seasons before finally setting the show in one of the greatest food cities on earth. Hey, better late than never right?

Right away we’re introduced to the cheftestants. Although we see them arriving one by one, there’s obviously a pecking order on who gets a little personal profile and who doesn’t. Yes, quirky or beautiful people get to be in the front of the line.

Hipster chef? Check. Sara Johannes has traveled around the world and was a sous chef for Wolfgang Puck. She now works at Shoyu, an airport restaurant in Minnesota. Hey, travelers gotta eat well too!

Wait. Is that Eric Northman doing a cameo appearance? Nope. It’s Jason Cichonski, who tells us he was voted Philly’s Sexiest Chef, “I know that there’s a lot of people who has the first impression that I’m a douchebag...and until I like throw down in the kitchen...”

I'm too sexy for this kitchen.

Hey bro-dawg, if you’re gonna submit shirtless pics of you flexing and a clip of how you check yourself out in the mirror because you want the people out the dining room to “like what they see as well as what they eat,” chances are you’re kinda douchey. #ProTip

Next up. Barbie Chef from Australia! Janine Booth, complete with that killer sexy accent, confesses that because she’s “not so ugly,” that she usually have to get people to respect her for her skills. Perhaps it’ll help if she didn’t shows up wearing a skimpy red halter top with cutoff short shorts and sandals because you know, that’s what people wear to a cooking competition. (shakes head) #ProTip again.

Bene Bartolotta tells us he’s gay. Because’s that really important in cooking.

TIme to meet some local chefs. Justin Devillier and Michael Sichel got here by winning “Padma’s Picks,” an online prequel if you will, where 10 chefs from New Orleans compete for 2 spots to play with the big boys on the main stage. 

All the pretty people.

We’ve got two chefs from Chicago who doesn’t know each other. Carlos Gaytan has a Michelin star, Aaron Cuschieri doesn’t. From the look on Aaron’s face he probably should just go ahead and pack his knives. Talk about being intimidated. (To Aaron’s defense, Slurping Turtle, the restaurant where he’s the executive chef did win a “Bib Gourmand,” the “Cheap Eats” award from Michelin Guide.) So chin up Aaron!

Finally! It’s Papa Bear Colicchio and our princess hostess Padma!

Unlike the past few seasons, there’s no “amuse” challenge where chefs do some mundane basic tasks. Hell, there isn’t even a Quickfire! It’s straight into elimination mode. 

It totally makes sense. At this stage of the series, we’ve got Michelin star winners, multiple James Beard Award nominees, and cooks who’ve worked for legendary master chefs. Asking them to make an omelette to get on the show would seem silly. Sorry, too soon? #Season9

The challenge? Turtles and gators and frogs oh my!

Wow. I thought they’d hold gators til at least 5 episodes in. Nope. This really sets the tone. It’s gonna be a tough season.

Hey, it’s not New Orleans without beads right? Padma and Tom randomly throw beads at the cooks. Each one is marked with one of the three proteins.

Want beads? You know what to do.

Our cheftestants have 2 hours to cook in the Top Chef Kitchen then, the following day, another 2 hours to set up, finish, and serve a 100 guests...in a swamp. That’s right. Right off the bat they’re to prep for service outdoors, where conditions will be unknown and full of variables. 

Off they go to shop for their exotic meats. In the car ride we find out that an overwhelmingly amount of chefs have never worked with these proteins before. Honestly people? You didn’t expect something like alligator to show up in a cooking competition in New Orleans? (Shakes head) C’mon! #ProTip Do your research.

Uncomfortable moment of the episode: Travis Masar decides to share some intimidate details about his cooking and dating preference. He not only cooks Asian food, he also only dates Asians. Awkward. 

Ok. Ingredients gathered. Let’s get to cooking.

19 chefs working in a kitchen they’ve never worked before. It’s a madhouse. They’re cramped, tools are limited, chaos ensues.

You know what two phrases you don’t want to hear yourself say on Top Chef? “I don’t have a plan,” and “I’m just not going to worry about it.”  Aaron Cuschieri’s going to make pasta and he’s not sure about the execution tomorrow. Good luck buddy. I’ll leave the cellar door open for you.

Apparently we’ve got royalty in the house! Nina Compton’s father was the Prime Minister of Saint Lucia and he led them to independence from the Brits in the 70’s. More importantly, for our purposes, she’s making curried turtle meatballs. Now that’s thinking. Take a tough cut of meat, grind it down so you can mix it with some other fat and flavor for a meatball. 

Meanwhile, everybody’s ogling and flirting with Barbie Chef (Janine Booth). I a have feeling her weekly outfit is going to be something we’ll be monitoring very carefully.

Cook 'n Chat

Here comes Tom for the cook ‘n chat. For you newbies out there, each week Chef Tom Colicchio checks on the cheftestants’ progress midway through cooking. Not so much to give pointers as to see what’s going on. It makes for great television because Tom is terrifying and it’s always fun to see the cooks unnerved.

Speaking of unnerved. Right away Tom spots some blood on True Blood Chef’s (Jason Cichonski) coat. Yup. The handsome devil manages to cut himself right before Tom’s visit. Dubious first impression. “Good luck,” Tom says as he walks away. Exactly.

You know who else needs luck? Patty Vega, a sous chef working under Top Chef Master David Burke at Fishtail in New York. She tells us that while she very used to receiving Chef Burke’s instructions, now she feels like she’s working on her own. Um yeah. You do know there’s another Bravo show called “Battle of the Sous Chefs” right? Perhaps that’s more your speed? Because that thing you’re calling a roulade ain’t looking so hot. 

Ramon Bojorquez, who specializes in Thai flavors because he spent time in Thailand beating people up competitively, is making turtle soup. With time running out and not wanting to stick really hot broth in a cold fridge, he decides to throw some ice into it. Way to go Einstein. Now you're sticking watered-down lukewarm soup into the fridge. Let me introduce you to Patty. You two will probably spend some time in the bottom tomorrow.

Two hours fly by. Time to use all the Saran Wrap in the world and get ready for tomorrow. 

Next morning the chefs get a surprise visitor - New Orleans’ own Emeril Legasse! Poor Emeril, each season the producers downgrade his status, from “Legend,” to “Superstar,” and now just a “Chef/Restauranteur.” Give the man some respect in his hometown Bravo!

Happy Emeril. Finally props for his hometown.

Emeril brought the chefs boxes of beignets as a breakfast treat. We’re not sure if they’re from that certain famous “Cafe” (du Monde) or not. Either way, expect a challenge to take place there at some point.

Emeril’s doling out advice on the ingredients and chatting away. The rest of the subdued chefs are just kinda taking it in. Actually, I’m not sure if everyone’s really starstruck or just shocked that Emeril’s having a what appears to be a glass of wine that early in the morning! Hey, that’s New Orleans for ya! #ProTip

Ok. Time to head to the swamp. Hope everyone brought their bug spray.

When the chefs arrive on location, they find out that the kitchen hasn’t even been built.  

Burners and prep tables are all just piled up in the corner. It was as if the production team was playing a prank. The chefs have two hours to assemble them and finish cooking. Yes. Their entire schedule has just been turned upside down because nobody accounted for “construction of kitchen” as part of the two hours.

Meanwhile, on board the “Swamp Queen,” a pontoon boat, we meet our judges for the week. There’s of course Head Judge Tom Colicchio, “how-many-different-ways-can-we-describe-her-as-beautiful” Padma Lakshmi, Emeril Legasse, and Curtis Stone, Host of Top Chef Masters. They’re mingling with the chosen few from the private dining society, The Dinner Lab. For the membership price of $100 a year and around $50 per event, you too can attend private dinners such as this. They’ve expanded to 10 cities around the country so check their website if you wanna be a elite diner. 

Who loves ya, baby!

Back at the camp, everyone else is still scrambling. Everyone except “I’m-too-sexy-for-this-competition” Jason Cichonski. “I thought this was supposed to be f*#king hard?” Right. Not douchey at all. 

Service time.

The guests arrive on their party boat, ready to eat. Each guests will give their beads to their favorite dishes. The three chefs with the most beads are on top, the least on the bottom. Flashing for beads is not allowed. Ok maybe if you’re the Sexiest Chef in Philadelphia.

Maybe it’s the first episode or perhaps it’s just the magic of New Orleans, because Tom and Emeril are having a great time. They’re both loose and for once Tom isn’t that terrifying when he walks up to a table.  

Here are the highlighted dishes:

Bene Bartolotta

Turtle Croquette with Cauliflower Puree & Shiitake Mushrooms

Nina Compton

Curried Turtle Meatball, Chayote Slaw & Chutney with Raisins

Janine Booth

Bacon & Alligator Confit with Tomato Jam & Lemon Frisee

When in doubt, add bacon.

Aaron Cuschieri

Pickled Eggplant with Turtle Confit & Turtle Ragout with Tagliatelle

Shirley Chung

Turtle Soup with Goji Berry & Chinese Broth

Carrie Mashaney

Poached Frog Legs with Oyster Emulsion & Cold Zucchini Salad

"General Tso's Gator." Didn't know there were gators in China.

Carlos Gaytan

Alligator Rillettes with Fennel & Pickled Red Onion Relish

Michael Sichel

Fried Alligator with Sauce Piquant & Slaw

Sara Johannes

Deep Fried Alligator with Smoked Chilis, Sweet & Sour Sauce & Pickled Vegetables

Ramon Bojorquez

Braised Turtle with Thai Dashi

Cold Frog. Hm. Who'd thunk?

Patty Vega

Cajun Style Alligator with Yuca Puree

Jason Cichonski

Frog Leg Croquette with Roasted Eggplant, Fennel Salad & Pickled Cherry Puree

Stephanie Cmar

Frog Leg Confit with Spinach & Watercress Puree

This is what the winners see - smiles.

Service is winding down and it’s pretty apparent who’s got the beads and who doesn’t. Nina Compton with her curried meat balls looks like Mrs. T, while you can count the beads on people like Ramon and Patty with one hand. The writing’s pretty much on the wall.

Hey they’ve upgraded the stew room! There are actual seats and a bar with rows of lovely beverages. There’s even a TV! What happened to the tiny supply closets with those metal folding chairs? 

For the first time, the chefs actually get to see a clip of the judges’ overall critique. In a way it’s good too get some instant feedback before walking before the judges’ table blind. On the other hand, it’s kinda embarrassing for people who didn’t do so well. Everyone knows you’ve screwed up. I’m sure the TV on the wall will provide further surprises down the line.

The consensus. Judges loved the big flavors brought by Nina’s curried meat balls and Sara’s spicy “General Tso’s” gator. They were also impressed by Shirley’s intensely flavored turtle soup and Australian Janine’s ability to adapt to southern tastes. 

Meanwhile, here are the children of lesser beads: Aaron with his pasta that sat around too long, Patty’s mess of a alligator dish, Carlos’ soggy toast, Ramon’s watered down dashi, and lastly Bene who failed to cook mushrooms properly.

Winning dish. Curried turtle meat ball.

The winner? Nina! From the get go it was obvious she had a plan and executed it perfectly. The judges and the guests are on the same page here. It’s no surprised she had the most beads. Hey wait. What’s this? No prize for the first win? I guess that’s why we didn’t see any big product placement this episode huh? 

Loser time.

Some of the best moments of this series happens right here, where fallen chefs plead for their Top Chef lives at all cost. Some will give all the excuses in the world, some will throw others under the bus, and some will be honorable and own up to their mistakes.

Looks like Fluffy had an accident...

Today’s hall of shame? Aaron, Patty, and Ramon. Throughout the episode it was pretty clear that this trio will end up here in this particular circle of culinary hell. 

Aaron’s pretty contrite. He realizes that making pasta was a big mistake and he utters those famous words that everyone has said at one time or another, “I didn’t think…”

Tom agrees, “These are the things you have to think about in this competition.”

Then the unthinkable happened. Curtis Stone disagreed with Tom Colicchio.

Yes. You read that correctly. Curtis says that (unlike Tom) he would never make homemade pasta in a swamp for 150 people. 

Not surprisingly, Tom Colicchio, James Beard Award winner, gave Curtis the stink eye. That’s right Curtis. Let’s not forget who put you here. It wasn’t but a few years ago you were stalking lonely housewives in groceries stores, asking to cook their dinner for them! (Take Home Chef on TLC.) Seesh.

It's so watered down, I don't even see soup.

Luckily, any annoyance Tom might have had with Curtis will be completely wiped away, replaced by what Ramon just confessed to, “I was worried about cooling down my dashi in time, so I actually added ice to my dashi, from my original base…”

Let’s put it this way. In 10 seasons I have never seen Tom display such a look of shock. Who can blame him? He literally served watered down soup. Ramon concedes failure.

Speaking of failure, Patty can’t even really get through her “process,” before breaking down into tears.  She admits that she basically just “put food on a plate.” Right. I don’t even think that’s the motto for Battle of the Sous Chefs, let alone Top Chef.

Upon seeing the tears, Curtis tried to console the damned, “You all put out, you know, really quite decent dishes. In another competition yours would have sail through right there in the middle there...so don’t be too hard on yourselves.” 

That’s the equivalent of an awkward hug after a break up. #ItsNotYouItsYourFood

In the end, you just cannot serve watered down dashi. It’s a simple choice. Ramon drowns in his watered down soup. Pack your knives and see you in Last Chance Kitchen, where you’ll likely see Patty next week. 

It's going to be a great season! 

And with that, Top Chef kicks off its season in New Orleans!

This season, expect a lot of jazz, a gumbo competition, celebrity guest judges, and of course, David Chang. It’s not Top Chef without a David Chang appearance.

Thanks for joining us and we’ll see you next week!

[Written by: Mykl Wu]

Top Chef Seattle Recap Episode 12: "Wolfgang Cluck."

On week 12 of Top Chef Season 10 in Seattle...

I don’t know about you guys, but it’s taken me a week to get over Kristen’s shocking departure. 

***SPoiler Alert***

Luckily, she prevailed against CJ in Last Chance Kitchen and we’ll be seeing more of her. 

Apparently, I’m not the only one since Brooke is also pretty shook up about it. “Had I ever in a million years thought that it would have gone that way, I would have said something.”

Meanwhile, Josie’s feeling like the stinky kid in class. And poor Lizzie had to listen to her talk away her guilty conscience, “I don’t care what anyone thinks. I know I didn’t get here the pretty way...I’m not here to lose, you know.*tears*”  

Zen Master

I concur Lizzie. Awkward indeed.

Quickfire time.

This week our Quickfire guest judge is Master Sushi Chef Katsuya Uechi. Chef Uechi owns 5 restaurants in the L.A. area and he is the head of the Sushi Institute of America. So yeah, he’s a bad ass in the sushi world.

So that can only mean one thing. Sushi challenge!

It’s simple. Just come up with a sushi dish and impress a sushi master.  (yea.. it’s just that easy...)

30 minutes. No immunity. Winner gets 5 grand.

Chef Uechi gives everyone this advice:

“Sushi is very simple. Rice. Fish. I don’t want you guys to touch too much. Don’t mix up too much ingredients. Always think how to make people who eat, happy. That is most important.” #ProTip

My god. Even his words are like poetry. I can only imagine what his food must taste like.  

Also, if you are at all interested in the art of sushi, do yourself a favor and check out “Jiro Dreams of Sushi,” a documentary about the greatest sushi chef in the world. It’s out on Netflix. 

Let’s cook.

Living in L.A. Brooke eats a lot of sushi. Not surprisingly, Oklahoma Josh does not. 

Sushi rice McMuffin. No thanks.

He’s making “sushi” with tempura bacon, egg omelette, salmon belly, yuzu kosho aioli. 

Um. What is your major malfunction?? DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR WHAT THE MASTER SUSHI CHEF SAID?!?!  *Deep breath*

Talk about crime against food.

Stefan agrees. He suggests yubitsume. I agree.

Everyone assumes Sheldon knows sushi because he’s Asian, he does not. However, he is making this lemon charcoal powder by grilling a lemon rind then pulverizing it in a blender. Very interesting technique. A smokey citrusy powder.

Of course Josie’s catered sushi parties and served sushi on naked bodies. It’s all about the show with her.

I gotta say. For a Top Chef competition there is certainly a lot of bitching and moaning about, “I don’t DO that” when it comes to different types of cuisine this season. 

Lizzie recognizes that sushi is an art but it’s not “her” art. Josh prefers bacon over sushi. What the hell people? You guys are supposed to be the best of the best, adept in all aspects of cooking, and here you are telling me you don’t “do” that? 

You think Michael Voltaggio ever even contemplated not being able to do something cooking wise? C’mon now! (Michael if you ever wanna hang, call me. I’m buying) #ProTipoftheHat 

Time’s up. Let’s see who managed impressed the master sushi chef.

Stefan.

Aliens 5: Josie's Revenge

Yellowtail with Grilled Shitake & Raw Lobster with Seaweed & Unagi

Josie.

Halibut with Yuzu & Bacon Aioli

Lizzie.

Lobster, Micro Greens & Pickled Ginger with Yuzu-Sake Broth

Brooke.

Octopus with Yuzu & Grated Wasabi

Josh.

Tempura Bacon, Omelette, Salmon Belly & Yuzu Kosho Aioli

Sheldon.

Hamachi Sashmi with Fresh Ponzu, Mitsuba & Lemon Charcoal

Judging by the way these dishes looked. You’d think some of the chefs have never had sushi. Josie’s dish literally was a giant log of rice with flimsy slices of halibut on top. Josh’s “pressed” sushi was a sushi rice sandwich with two slabs of rice. Lizzie, for some reason, made soup.

They should have passed out them Kindle Fires again so these guys can google “sushi.” Oy.

I think Chef Uechi agrees with me. When Padma asked how did the chefs do? The reply from the master was a wry, “You guys worked very hard. Thank you.”

I don’t know about you, but I read that as “You’ve brought dishonor to my art. You should all leave in shame.”

Lizzie’s soup is on the bottom. Note to self. Don’t pour hot soup onto cold fish. It’ll make the fish more “fishy.” #ProTip

To no one’s surprise, Josh’s dish was a dud. I think Chef Uechi was embarrassed for him. Greasy bacon has no place in sushi.

On a brighter note. Brooke’s octopus dish was nice. Clean flavors. 

Stefan’s yellowtail also landed on top. Good combination with yellowtail and shitake mushrooms.

The winner? Stefan. 

Yeah! 1 for 27! That's a dismal winning %!!

It’s his FIRST win of any kind this season. Apparently it took him 27 challenges. How the mighty have fallen. By episode 11 of season 5, his original season, he’d won 7 challenges. 

Time for Elimination Challenge.

We have a very special guest this week. One of my personal heroes and daily inspiration, Mr. David Chang!!! #ProTipoftheHat

Alongside David is our head judge, Tom Colicchio. (Did you know that David once worked for Tom at Craft? However, apparently David wasn’t allowed to be on the line because he was too slow. Hehe) 

Ok. Tom has rented a house here in Seattle and has invited a few friends over for dinner, the cheftestants will have to do the cooking.

What Tom in the mood for? That’s right. Fried Chicken. 

David explains that fried chicken is “deliciously simple but deceivingly complex.” He would know. His fried chicken drumstick is coated with a "127-spice Momofuku concoction of dredge.” The secret?  “Just regular flour, some seasoning, and a bunch of don't-worry-about-it." #ProTip

Wanna know who’s coming to dinner? 

In Chang We Trust

Jon Shook and Vinny Dotolo from Animal and Son of Gun.

James Beard Award winner Michelle Bernstein of Michy’s.

Some guy name Wolfgang Puck.

Oh and a little cook from New Orleans that goes by the name Emeril.

Don’t forget about David Chang!

Ok, THIS is a scary group to cook for, especially if you’re talking fried chicken. 

It’s great watching Tom list this Pantheon of Fried Chicken Gods. Because clearly he knows with this group judging, it's going to be a fun night. 

Much like sushi. Just keep it simple and delicious. 

Winner gets a year’s worth of Terlato wines. 

Ha. Stefan says 365 bottle will only last him 3 months. I agree.

30 minutes to prep. Go.

Josh is getting all flustered and chubby over this challenge. Finally it's something in his wheelhouse. He’s going to draw inspiration from his grandfather’s fried chicken. He’s brought out a syringe and injecting the brine directly into the chicken. 

Brilliant plan. With limited time allowed, injecting the brine will bring out the flavor and keep the bird moist. 

Josie thinks she’s got this in the bag, “Down South, we eat fried chicken all the time!”

Um. I don’t think Miami is considered “the South.” Apparently Josh agrees. Wait. Did he just bust out the ole Arsenio Hall “Things that makes you go hmmmm” bit??

Way to reference a 23-year-old show dude. *golf clap*

You wanna see somebody digging a hole? Watch Brooke as she describes her plan of attack for this challenge.

She’s going to debone the breast, remove the skin, fried the skin and include the fried skin into the breading, then fry the whole thing together. Basically a fancy chicken cutlet. 

Girl. You’re serving fancy chicken cutlet to the likes of David Chang and Emeril Legasse? What are you thinking?!

Time to go to Tom’s house.

Is this Iowa? No. It's Tom's house.

Once there, they’ll have one hour to fry up them chickens. Note: Judges did not asked for a side dish or salad. They just wanted fried chicken. #ProTipoftheHat

Not to pick on her, but Josie’s gonna do a daikon slaw with chicken wings in an asian style, then her southern fried chicken with a biscuit. Ok. Good luck with that.

Sheldon’s watched one too many gangster movies. He’s pouring the oil double-fisted like a couple’a 40s saying, it’s “for his homies...” Ok this brave soul is also doing two kinds, an umami fried chicken and a “Momofuku” style chicken. Talk about gutsy. You’re gonna serve David Chang a chicken named for David Chang's own restaurant? G-U-T-S

Lizzie’s also going rogue by doing a version of chicken cutlet. She’s crusting it with brown sugar, black pepper and coriander with a side of peach cabbage slaw. 

Here comes another head scratcher. Stefan is going with a chicken stuffed with french cheese and german ham. A chicken cordon blue, if you will. 

You know, sometimes you just have to trust Tom. You can tell when he’s asking you to “put a spin” on something and this is not one of those occasions. He said, “However you do it, just make it crispy and make it delicious.” Sounds pretty straight forward to me.

Seems like some of the chefs totally misread the memo.

Not Josh though. Dude is (finally) cooking like Michael Phelps swimming. He’s giving his already brined drumsticks a smoke treatment. Talk about layering on the flavors.

Almost time to eat. Judges arrive and gather around a beautiful outdoor dining area ready to feast on some chicken.

Fried Chicken Sandwich at Son of A Gun.

Wolfgang feeling particularly Puckish tonight. Offering Emeril a seat first with a “Hey Ladies first!”  Oh oh. Think it’s gonna be one of those zinger-filled nights!

Then there’s a debate amongst the judges on the preference between dark/white meat. I’m a dark meat man myself. But I can totally see the finesse it requires to make breast meat juicy and crispy. Hell, I just like fried chicken. Ha. David is right. “If you don’t like fried chicken, I don’t know if I can trust you!” #ProTip

Here we go. You can just tell that everyone’s having a great time hanging out. The atmosphere’s loose. Tom just suggested Wolfgang to open up a chain of chicken joints called “Wolfgang Cluck.” Ha. Look out KooKooRoos!

Tom tells us that growing up, his mom made salt and pepper fried chicken with only the legs and the wings. And since his dad hated chicken, Tom knew his dad was working late when mom was frying up chicken. 

I don’t know why but I love it when Tom shares tidbits of his past with us. I guess because I always see him as such a authoritative figure that knowing things which are more personal makes me a little less scared of him. (Just kidding! Um...wanna play catch? - Field of Dreams people!!)

Baseball Tom. Baseball.

Back in the kitchen. Brooke doesn’t have time to fry up her chicken skin. Now she’s going to serve up plain ole pedestrian chicken cutlet, made up of skinless breast meat. God help her.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record...

Guess what. Josie’s in trouble again. One of her fryers went down so she’s down to one. Lizzie’s a sweetheart and offers Josie her fryers. Regardless, once again, time is not on her side. There will be no Asian chicken wings. And um, what happened to the biscuits? 

Sheldon’s also hit a snag. His oil was too hot so the first batch got scorched on the outside but still raw on the inside. Those gotta go, so he’s not sure if everyone will get a piece. 

Chicken time.

Ok. When he’s presenting to the judges Sheldon looks like he’s about to hyperventilate. He actually had a brain freeze for second trying to remember which style the drumsticks are. I don’t blame you buddy. I’d probably pass out if I had to serve fried chicken to this group.

Can you tell which is which? Neither can Sheldon.

Sheldon.

Umami Drumsticks & Thighs, Wings with Usukuchi (Momofuku style) & Grapeseed Oil. 

Lizzie.

Chicken with Coriander, Black Pepper & Brown Sugar Rub with Peach-Cabbage Slaw.

Josie.

Chicken with Black Garlic, Cayenne, Thyme & Hot Sauce with Daikon Salad.

Right away Jon Shook from Son of A Gun refers to Lizzie’s dish as “Shake and Bake.” Though delicious, Tom thought Lizzie doesn’t quite understand “fried chicken” because given a whole chicken, she only used boneless chicken breast.

"Gut bomb. Not in a good way." - David Chang

Vinny Votolo is appalled, “Come now. People were given a whole chicken?! And you only gave us the breast? That’s just wrong!’ Everyone’s cracking up. #ProTip

Still though. Tom thought her salad was really good and David thought the chicken itself was delicious. I think despite serving a cutlet, she’s going to be safe.

Josie’s confused people by serving “Southern” style chicken on a banana leaf with daikon salad. On top of that, everyone found it greasy, Michelle Bernstein couldn’t even finish her piece. Ironically, Michelle was the guest judge that send Josie home last time around. And they’re both Miami chefs. Awkward.

Sheldon’s chicken was loved by all. However, one problem. Not everybody got a piece. Wolfgang’s blaming Tom and Emeril for taking too many pieces. Still. The flavor’s there and that’s the important thing. Funny though, not once did we see David talk about his resto's namesake wings. Wonder if he gave Sheldon his personal stamp of approval.

Just in time for the Superbowl!

Stefan.

Chicken Cordon Bleu with Garlic Aioli & Lemon.

Josh.

Smoked Fried Chicken with Hot Sauce & Blue Cheese.

Brooke.

Dukkah-Crusted Chicken Breast with Wilted Escarole & Tomato Salad.

Here comes the bombshell of the day.

Apparently Jon Shook and Vinny Votolo once interviewed for a job to work for Brooke. And guess what? She didn’t hire them. Now they’re bad asses in the culinary world and are here to decide her fate. Talk about a Jerry Springer “guess who we’ve got backstage” moment.

Well, the embarrassment didn’t stop there. Wolfgang picks up her chicken and asks, “What is this show called here? (Padma: Top Chef) I wouldn’t even call it The Apprentice.” OUCH.

Yeah. She cooked her chicken too early. About 15 minutes too early. By the time of service her chicken albeit juicy, will no longer had any crunch. So she kept it warm in the oven then refried it to get the crisp back. The result was dry chicken cutlet. Not looking good...

Josh knocked it out of the park. The whole smoked and buffaloed concept totally came across. Tom said it was the tastiest chicken on the table. Josh might get himself a chicken dinner here.

See. Sometimes chefs are like comedians. When you get a bunch of them together and feed them lots of wine, the one-upmanship sets in and the jokes start to fly, often at the expense of others.

When asked about Stefan’s chicken cordon bleu, Emeril says, “I have the blues. *pause* the chicken cordon blues...” *rimshot*

“Wasn’t he already on Top Chef?” Vinny asks mockingly, “You get another chance and you do cordon f*cking blue?” Brutal Stefan. Brutal.

Jon’s embarrassed that all of the L.A. chefs just rolled out the breasts and Wolfgang, without missing a beat, “It’s L.A.! Plastic surgery's everywhere.”*rimshot*

Ah a good time was had by all...of the judges.

Not so much some of the chefs.

Judging isn’t till the NEXT day. So the chefs also have a whole night to stew about how their dishes were received.

In the evening Sheldon plays a ukulele. They hand them out in Hawaii when you turn 13. (ok, they don’t) #ProTip

Everyone’s nervous. Josie’s going around looking for validation by asking if people liked her chicken. Even calm collected Brooke is fidgety. 

Morning comes. Let’s do this.

In walks Padma. I’ll tell you one thing. I wouldn’t want to play poker against her. She NEVER gives anything away. 

Judges want to see Josh, Lizzie, and Sheldon.

Wow. 5 judges at the table today. Don’t recall the last time that’s ever happened! 

Imagine having David Chang, Wolfgang Puck, Padma Lakshmi, Tom Colicchio, and Emeril Legasse all staring at you. Can’t even. I think I would just stare solely at Padma and try to zen out. 

The good news is, these guys are the judges' favorites. 

All three delivered a good dish, but Josh’s traditional Buffalo fried chicken came out on top. He gave what the judges wanted. A crispy, delicious, lip smacking goodness piece of fried chicken. Grandpa would be proud.

You can see how this was Josh’s challenge from the get go. The problem will come for him, in the end when judges start to look for a bit more of a range in the repertoire. But we’ll see. I’m sure Josh looks at Kevin Gillespie as his idol. Newsflash Josh, we've watched Kevin saute. We watched Kevin simmer. You, sir, are no Kevin Gillespie. 

Here comes the sadness.

Keep it simple stupid!

Brooke, Josie, and Stefan face the chopping block.

There will be no throwing people under the bus, no one else to blame but themselves, so let’s see what they have to say.

Brooke knew she screwed up. She got into her own head and over-thought the whole process. Instead of impressing, she disappointed the judges.

Here we go back into the Josie show. It’s the same absurd excuses with Josie. Her fryer was down, she didn’t have enough time...blah blah blah.

Tom’s having a migraine. You know that look the principal has after she gives you detention for the umpteenth time? Yeah that’s Tom right now. 

“This seems to be happening a lot now, you running out of time. You ran out of time on the last challenge with bouillabaisse...an hour for fried chicken is plenty of time, so I don’t understand how you could even say I ran out time and I couldn’t put it on paper towel.”

When Josie tried to reply back Tom stopped her abruptly. 

“Exactly. You’re wasting time.”

Wow. Pulled the words out of our collective mouths huh? She’s been wasting EVERYONE’s time all season long. Can’t help feel like Tom’s finally had enough.

The nail in the coffin though? 

Josie tries to validate to Tom that she “(ate) had a piece and it was delicious and Lizzie and everyone else thought it was delicious."

Yeah good luck with that.

Tom, sarcastically,  “So I guess Dave and Wolf and you know Emeril and Jonny and Vinny and Michelle, Padma and um me um we don’t know um we have no idea what we’re talking about?”

The most terrify thing about this exchange is that NO OTHER JUDGES chimed in. Silence is golden. #ProTip

Moving on to Stefan.

Stefan’s excuse, he grew up in Europe and there isn’t fried chicken there like in America. Heh. Drive that one out and you can fertilize the lawn.

Unfortunately Stefan failed to do his research. Wolfgang himself has a traditional recipe for “wiener backhendl,” Viennese-style fried chicken. 

DOH!

Well, after getting pummeled about making the damn chicken cordon blue, Emeril really drops the hammer by letting him know that it wasn’t even a good chicken cordon blue. 

Yeah. Serving the judges bad banquet food is asking for it. 

Padma is furious. “Such a bullsh*tter!”

During the deliberation it’s pretty clear that Brooke is safe. I don’t care what they say about past dishes doesn’t take into account and there are no prejudices, unless you’re gonna start tasting the dishes blind like that “other” new show...it will come into play.

But much like last week, for some reason Padma’s defending Josie again, stating that at least Josie gave them an actual fried chicken.

There’s no arguing this week. I think Tom’s finally had enough. I think he had enough last week but Kristen’s insistence on taking all of the blame was something he couldn’t just outright veto and not come across biased.

This week Josie once again presented a poor dish and cited time as a problem. AND she tried to chat her way out of it. Now, she’s finally out of excuses.

To the collective cheer of Top Chef viewers who’re not relatives or close personal friends of Josie, she is told to pack her knives and go. *Crowd roars*

Bitter to the end. Josie thought it was stupid to get send home for her fried chicken. 

Here comes the hugs and kisses...between the chefs AFTER Josie leaves. Man. I feel their pain. Last time I waited this long for someone to leave was Thanksgiving.

Well. There is it. Josie’s finally gone. Off to Last Chance Kitchen you go where you will face Kristen. I highly recommend everyone to go watch it right now. 

With the albatross off our shoulders. We can focus and concentrate more on the food!

Thanks stopping by and I’ll see you next week!

As always any feedback and a follow @ChezWu would be highly appreciated!