Vodka Tampons defeats Vodka Gummy Bears as the Latest Stupid Drinking Trend

I'd like a vodka straight-up, with a tampon-twist, please!

What do vodka tampons, vodka eye-balling, and vodka gummy bears have in common? They’re the three most retarded drinking trends of this decade. Call me a fundamentalist, but I like to drink the old-fashioned way: From a glass to my mouth and down my throat. Can ya dig it? 

Stephen Colbert had a segment on his show about the uprising trend of “vodka tampons”. You read it right: teenagers are now dunking tampons into vodka and inserting said tampon into places they really shouldn't for a faster form of “buzz”! I’m sorry, but WTF?! Is there anyone else out there that doesn’t find this style of drinking incredibly disturbing and offensive? I’ve heard the claim that a recession increases rates of alcoholism, but this is ridiculous.

I’m all for a jello-shot now and then. And a vodka-laced gummy or two may not be so bad. But it’s clear that the term “alcohol abuse” has taken on a more dangerous meaning. We know that this type of alcohol consumption has a much higher death rate than drinking booze the old fashioned way. What no one seems to be offering is a viable solution. Should we lower the drinking age in hopes that college kids choose to drink at a bar instead of shoving tampons up their asses and pouring liquor into their eyes? Maybe "substance ed" should be added to the National high school curriculum? Watch this news piece by CBS 5 and tell me what you think.